i do believe that we have different parts in ourselves and, yes, there is a part in your wife that truly does not want to be happy, and at the same time there is the one that really wants to. so then it comes down to "which wolf do we feed". whatever she does you have no control over but which wolf does your actions feed?
i wonder from before what kinda good times you had w/your family, w/ her, w/ all the kids. like dinner that you were describing, then some tv time. may be something in the community, with friends. what was good /fun before. is there anyway to rekindle good time as a family - just a brainstorming thought
me, h - 40+ m-20+ s, d, ss - 20+ s, ow, pa since 04.2007 h back and forth 01.2008 - 05.2008 h decided to be w/ow 05.13.2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1415899&page=1&fpart=1
(((((Firekeeper))))) With friends and family, she always seems to have fun. As long as I am just a participant, and don't crowd her.
Well, we had a little talk about the division of lobor today. she thinks she is being dumped on. for some reason, she and the kids did their laundry today. I don't know why, I've been doing it every week. Maybe not doing it right? Anyway, after that they were working outside. We came to an agreement on a specific area that I would be responsible for. So, we'll see what happens when I do that. It might be a good first step.
Well doen Jeff!! I think you should speak to her again about this, you know how in a restaurant they ask you half way through, is everything all right for you? Ask her how she feels the new division is working out, before you move on a step?
Well done, seriously. Any more thoughts about asking her about whether or not she is happy? And why not? (presuming it will be a resounding no!)
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Well doen Jeff!! I think you should speak to her again about this, you know how in a restaurant they ask you half way through, is everything all right for you? Ask her how she feels the new division is working out, before you move on a step?
Good idea!
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenlyAlone
Well done, seriously. Any more thoughts about asking her about whether or not she is happy? And why not? (presuming it will be a resounding no!)
Something like this is a good idea. I'm not saying no, but I am going to be talking to the C about how to deal with this issue, I think.
((((((((((Ali)))))))))) Hope you are having a nice Sunday!
Love the idea of following up on the division of labour with your W- that was a great idea of Al's. She's on a roll this weekend!
I had a thought reading one of you earlier posts about the difference in standards between yourself and W. Are you guys very far apart on that, or quite close? I was just wondering if your levels are far apart enough for her to want to repeat everything herself. If so, that might be partly responsible for a bit of her resentment wall (and I realise as I say this that this is due to her control issues. Just wanted to suggest it, as I guess one thing we're trying to do is to chip little holes in that big thick wall!).
Anyway, I'm rambling- it's the sun- not used to it at all!
Jeff, I just wanted to say that I think you are doing great! I think you have made great strides in taking care of you. I know all of this must have been difficult for you. Hearing about your health issues must also be a concern. And while I know that you must address your issues with your marriage, it is also as important for you to treat yourself well, and to heal your heart and head as well as your body. Keep it all up, my friend.
(((((Donna))))) Speaking of health! If the scale is not lying, I'm down about three pound in the last month. Which strikes me as a pretty good pace. Sure, I'd like to drop it more quickly, but I'm not sure that more than a pound a week is healthy, and this way it might stay off!
(((((Lisa))))) Yes, our standards for a lot of things are quite a bit different. I think it does lead to her redoing, or just doing herself.
If you want to get used to the sun, I know a place where you can find it about 330 days out of the year!
