Ready for the long ride.

[LucasE]

Hi, Happy Mother's Day. I am learning to understand the WAW but if someone is doing all of this to a mother, well, that's just criminal. My heart goes out to all of you who face a WAM.

Thanks JTB. I'm waiting. It doesn't feel like it gets any easier. Six months into it I still dwell all day every day. I do enjoy, a little bit, watching her spin. I am trying to watch myself to see if my changes are real. I know I'm much more aware of my actions and words but I still feel like me. The me who couldn't hold an M together.

Well, last night W and I went on our first date. It was a party for parents at a famous rock star's house. She didn't have to go, so I will consider it a good thing. I was perfect. I looked my best. I was funny. I was attentive. We had fun. Then, I dropped her off at our home and went to my Separation Cell. This morning, the kids gave her the Mother's Day cake we made together, and gave her the gift I gave her. ( Two prints in frames of the kids that I took earlier this week, not the expensive earrings I have been agonizing over for weeks.) She texted me about how beautiful it all was and thank you. I forced myself to not respond. She didn't ask a question and she is surrounded in all of my goodness. I think my response would be lame anyway. I don't know, though. I do hate it when the texts end with one of mine. It's like she wins the point. I think I will lovingly distance today. Today she drives up to her mother's house with the kids and sees her sister and her new family just like we have done for 15 years. No doubt my presence will be missed by all. That seems good. The halls of her mother's house are filled with pictures of me. There is one great one where I am pronouncing her sister married to her husband.

I'm not gonna text. Love to you all.