Originally Posted By: saffie

If you find out about the A when your S is at the dizzy heights of those endorphin fuelled highs of the early A, I honestly think it is harder to bring them down to earth with a bump - they are beyond seeing how impractical it all is. And for me the luck thing comes into the order in which things happen. I was lucky that I didn't know about my H's A when it was going on and so the changes I made to me and my M, my H knew were genuine, because they weren't done because of his A; he knew that they were done becaus I wanted to improve my M and fight for him and our happiness. The fact that it all went up a notch when he told me about the A was OK because it had been happening anyway. If I had found out about the A first I think he would have thought the changes were not genuine and so it would have taken longer to convince him.


I agree with this all Saffie. I found out about the affair when H was in an early honeymoon stage and he was basically delusional: divorce was going to give H more money & time, I'd meet someone wonderful, and he was going to live happily ever after with OW. He was obsessed with OW either with her or texting her non-stop. I probably should have kicked him out, but wasn't strong enough back then, so I forgive myself for that! \:\) I do think if it happened today or someone else did that to me, their stuff would be piled outside!!!!

I do think since the changes I've made in myself happened after that, H thinks they are probably done for him or temporary or whatever. It's been 6 months now, so I would think after a year or two, H would realize the changes are for myself (and the kids) and aren't temporary! \:\) Karen


Me 53
D18, S24