Just read all of your sitch. I'm not sure why your wife is getting to call all of the shots here, while you haven't done anything wrong.
While she is away on her little 2-day rendezvous, I suggest that you take back your marital bed, for starters, and do not EVER leave it again. SHE can sleep on the air mattress in the other room! I made the same mistake (sleeping on the couch), and upon EVERYONE's advice, I took back the marital bed one night. She said "What are you doing???" I said "I'm sleeping in my own bed." "But I can't sleep with you right now," she said, angrily. "Then go sleep somewhere else," I said, matter-of-factly. Then I added "G'nite!" and I rolled over and went to sleep.
She got up, went to our daughter's old bedroom, and slept on the floor, where she remained through the rest of her two-month affair.
I also suggest you expose her affair to both families. They should know the truth, and see if they can bring any positive pressure to bear. Meanwhile, keep up all your GAL stuff -- you're doing great at all that! You just need to stop pursuing her, stop letting her dictate the agenda and the timeline for the end of your marriage, and take back the power.
I think your wife likely has serial infidelity and other issues. You may have to just let her go, and work at your own happiness, and see if she can get it together and maybe someday you can be together again. She sounds NOWHERE near ready to be married, in my opinion.
