My advice would be, for starters, to pick a DB forum on which to post, and keep your story going there. Looking at your recent posts, you're all over the place, on half a dozen boards, asking each forum a question based on bits and pieces of your situation and history. It will be easier for people to help you if you stick to one place.
I'd suggest this one, the "Infidelity" forum, since your husband has been unfaithful and there are unique dynamics at work when there is an affair.
There is a WORLD of things you can do in between "totally accepting what he's doing and telling him to 'be free'" and "pursuing/needy/grabby" behavior. It is in that middle ground that you'll find your best results.
Is he still contacting the other woman? Is he seeing her?
