Any Regrets???

[saffie]

Thank you Puppy - I agree. I think most of the successes you see have the elements you refer to. I know that both have had to exist in order for my M to have continued. When the bomb happened in my M my H would have cake eaten if I had let him - I mean why not? To have two women fighting over him just stroked his ego hugely. I made it very clear that wouldn't happen. I wanted him and my M but if he wouldn't commit to me 100% then he was not going to like the outcome.

I think reality hit him. OW was no shrinking violet either and once she knew I knew about the A she was going to want some sort of resolution as well.

I do believe though, that as well as having the elements you describe Puppy, timing and luck do play their parts in this all.

If you find out about the A when your S is at the dizzy heights of those endorphin fuelled highs of the early A, I honestly think it is harder to bring them down to earth with a bump - they are beyond seeing how impractical it all is. And for me the luck thing comes into the order in which things happen. I was lucky that I didn't know about my H's A when it was going on and so the changes I made to me and my M, my H knew were genuine, because they weren't done because of his A; he knew that they were done becaus I wanted to improve my M and fight for him and our happiness. The fact that it all went up a notch when he told me about the A was OK because it had been happening anyway. If I had found out about the A first I think he would have thought the changes were not genuine and so it would have taken longer to convince him. He knows me too well to think that I knew he was having an A, and worked on him whilst waiting to see what he would do - I don't have the patience in me.