Jenny, Please try to enjoy the time to yourself. Believe it or not, you deserve to enjoy some peace and quiet. My H expressed a couple of weeks ago that there is no hope and H wants a D. He still continues to send all kinds of mixed messages. I don't know what to make of it anymore. Try to keep your expectations down.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008
I am like you. Some nights I just dont feel like organizing things, but I know that there is a lot of time for that. I have a bunch of pictures around the house of W and I that I need to take down. It sure hurts now to look at pictures from happier times together.
Originally Posted By: JennyF
So I'm going to pack some boxes up for a couple hours and then pick up Thai food and head over to a friends.
I think I will get some Thai food tonight also as it has been a while. I must resist making eye contact with any waitresses. I could only imagine my W's reaction if my next girlfriend happens to be Thai also.
Do you ever order Sum Tum (unrippened Papaya salad)? I like it a lot, but it always seemed to me that the Thai women I know like it much more and at a much higher level of spicyness. One of my favorite dishes is Pad Kee Mao (Drunken Noodles). I am getting hungry and I still have to go work out.
I hope you enjoy your spicy food and visit with your friend. Please continue to post updates. You are one of the most inspirational, amazingly strong, resilient, fabulous people - not only on this board - but in this world.
xo, Rachel
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I think I just had an epiphany when I read this. You know people have used the word 'strong' a lot here...I honestly think that strength comes out of acceptance (there's that word again). It doesn't take strength to accept it....strength comes out of accepting. It's in you already.
Lizzy...I'm sorry your H is moving forward. Consider the mixed signals a good thing though. He's still spinning in his own confusion. And yes...I do try to make the most of my time without the kids. I find the overnights hard because their absence is felt. But learning to live in the moment has helped me not dwell on what is missing when they're not here, but what I have to fill me up when they're not. And it's not about just keeping busy persay....but really involving myself completely with what I'm doing and dwelling on the positive about it. Sounds a bit hoaky I know...but man it works.
Quote:
Try to keep your expectations down.
I can honestly that I don't have any expectations of H at all anymore. I expect him to be there for his kids (which he ultimately is), but other than that I expect nothing. I'm saving the expectations for myself, those I can control. Reasonable, healthy expectations.
Kerry...I've slowly been taking down pictures since the day H left. I just took the last one down last week and it was hard. When I was packing up his stuff and piling it together every now and then I would put a pic of the two of us into his pile. Like the one of us snorkeling in St. Lucia on our honeymoon. Why should I be the only one who has to look our memories and put them away. He's had it easy not living here with the constant reminders of the life we built together. He too can look at that picture and decide what to do with it... As for the Thai food...it was fantastic!! I get the same Vegetarian dish every time...it's fried pineapple, tomato, mushrooms & tofu on pad thai noodles. It's got some really long name I can't pronounce...when I call in the order I just say "V-07" on the menu! Drunken Noodles sound yummy!
Rachel....I don't know what to say. I think that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so much. I wish I had more time to catch up on everyone's threads and I'm sorry if I've never popped by yours.
Thanks again to everyone for popping in! It so helps to feel all of your support. Good night! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
I just wanted to stop by your thread and say hello. I've been away from here so long that it would be hard to completely catch up with your situation. But from the last few posts it seems like you're doing well. You are spot on in that strength comes from acceptance. The Serenity Prayer came to mind when I read that: God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I Cannot change, Courage to change the things I can And Wisdom to know the difference.
Anyways, I'll try not to be such a stranger from now on. Please know that even though I was away from these boards that you and everyone else here were on my mind and in my prayers...
Peace, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
I finally had a chance to catch up with your stitch. I see some wonderful things. See I told you those cookies were going to bring you something wonderful. I think that is great, yoga and cookies. Hey that sounds like a great business venture. Yoga classes, with a little area to grab a latte and homemade cookies.
Its good others are seeing the true colors of you H's actions, but they also see your colors which are showing the world you are truly a wonderful person, with a big heart and a beautiful soul.
I feel the same as you, i am getting stronger, but still know in my heart i don't want a divorce, i want to save my marriage. I truly do love my h, he just is so messed up right now, just like yours.
You are truly amazing Jenny, as i have always said i wish i had 1/3 of your strengh. Have a wonderful mothers day, you deserve it.
hugs bear
Last edited by phbear316; 05/09/0802:14 PM.
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
B!! I'm so glad that you checked in to let us know how you're doing. I've been thinking about you a lot and hoping that all is going well for you. I think I knew from your absence that all was going well. Your W is one lucky lady!
I've repeated the Serenity Prayer a million times through all of this. I always knew what that meant...but never has it been more necessary in my life. Thanks so much for checking in on me and I look forward to hearing all of your updates!
J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
bear, Good too hear from you. You sound stronger every day.
I realized this week for sure that I do not want a divorce. But I'm no longer resisting it. I'm going through all the motions and just doing the next thing I have to do. IIf H comes to his senses at any point during any one particular stage of the "D"...then we'll deal with it then. Otherwise it's not in the cards and I'm moving on.
D is giving me a run for my money. Everything is a struggle with her right now. She's being so unruly and I can't find the right balance of being compassionate to what she's going through, yet not letting her get away with everything. She starts screaming Daddy Daddy if she gets in trouble for something. I guess she does the same with H. H gave me another "she's ok" today. Yeah...you keep telling yourself that buddy. I'm trying not to let my anger over it get the better of me when things are heated with D. She is acting out in ways she never has before. Being really loud, screaming, getting angry hitting things (not hard....but obviously taking out frustration). She's doesn't want me to leave the room but gets really angry if I try to console her. I literally don't know WTF I'm doing. I'm flying by the seat of my pants....alone. That is a big part of the problem....when D & S are with H...he usually has back up. Whether it's his Mom or OW he has someone. Here it's just me. And poor D isn't getting a lot of my attention now that S is getting more active and eating meals. It's a lot of freakin' work! Not to mention trying to pack up and sell your house while meeting with lawyers on a weekly basis. Thank God I'm on Mat leave or they may have to commit me. Most days I'm ok...plugging right along. But lately D and I seem to be having more tense interactions than close interactions. That's why I'm not fight the sleeping with me. I bought her an awesome princess flashlight. It's got a lantern and flashlight setting. It was sitting on her bed this morning when she got home from her Dad's. She was so excited about it and carried around all day! Then 1/2 hour before bed...it breaks. Not dead batteries...changed those. It's broken. The one thing that was going to keep her in her bed tonight! I can't win! OK...a little bit of self pity there, I admit it. So tomorrow we'll get her another flashlight and start again. I'm worried about her a lot because she's getting an edge to her that has never been part of her personality before. I can try to talk to H about it but reality is...he will downplay it. And he's not prepared to make the changes necessary to reverse these affects so what difference does it really make? Sad isn't it? This man is a father? Unreal. Well before I get myself more riled up...I better go to bed...with D. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
I just got home from a friend's stag and doe. I'm a little tipsy...but I miss my H. I just typed a whole e-mail to him...I won't send it though... Nighty night J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
