For the guy with kids and WW II

[whatdidido]

Yeah, I get the wanting to be with someone who wants to be with you. That was the whole attractiveness of the OM to me....my H wanted to be with me, but it wasn't the same. It was flattering. I would ignore the call, yes. Ignore that whole situation, h4h. Seriously. You can already see the "pull" of this. Back away from it as fast as you can.

Like you said...GAL. What is something you could do that would be fun? HOw about having a friend over to watch the game with you and have beer at home? Or, the bucket of balls...maybe with a friend? Or, the cologne idea is a good one....nothing like a little new cologne to get your W thinking. You need to so something....remember she thinks you are boring.....if she calls and you are home doing nothing, she thinks to herself....."typical". Find someone "cool" and "fun" (NOT B) and do something cool and fun.

[hopeful4her]

So far I mended the picket fence, mowed the lawn, went to the store for dog food(WW reminded me before she left), ran an errand, picked out the Mothers Day card from the kids and one from me, picked up some flowers, and went and hit a bucket of balls. I will arrange the flowers and write in my card and set up the flowers and her necklace on the table for when she gets home tomorrow, and get the house cleaned up.

Productive day. We'll see if I go out tonight and do something.

This is what her card says from me:

(OUTSIDE)

It's Mother's Day
and I could go on and on
about all the things
you do for our family
(and we both know the list is long).
But on this day made for you,
I want you to know
that I appreciate you
for who you are,
not just what you do for others.
I value the generous, courageous
uniquely beautiful woman
I was blessed to find.

(INSIDE)

I wish you peace
and happiness, and most of all,
I wish that you will live each day
filled with the joy of love...
the kind I know every day...
because of you.

TARA CENTELO (AUTHOR)
Too much?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4H,

I think one of the things that I had to come to grips with was, "Was I really in love with her, or was I in love with the IMAGE of her? Of what she COULD be, if I could only be nice enough, and say the right things, and do the right things, was THAT the "potential" woman that I was really in love with?"

It's when we face our spouses, warts and mistakes and all, that we have to ask ourselves, "Am I in love with this person AS THEY ARE, or am I only in love with the image of what I want them to be?"

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

I have asked myself that question time and time again. Am I trying to hang on to who she used to be? Am I trying to change her into my ideal spouse?

I have looked past all her imperfections. There are many. I love who she is inside. I love who she is outside. This is the woman that I want be with for the rest of my life. I want to take care of her. I want to grow old with her. Do I think that she can be more than what she is? I do. Just like I think that I can be so much more.

The problem is, can she see me this way?

What brought you to your conclusion in your sitch?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

But (other than her affair), are you willing to live with the woman that she IS???? Are you in love with THAT woman??

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So far I mended the picket fence, mowed the lawn, went to the store for dog food(WW reminded me before she left), ran an errand, picked out the Mothers Day card from the kids and one from me, picked up some flowers, and went and hit a bucket of balls. I will arrange the flowers and write in my card and set up the flowers and her necklace on the table for when she gets home tomorrow, and get the house cleaned up.

Productive day. We'll see if I go out tonight and do something.

This is what her card says from me:

(OUTSIDE)

It's Mother's Day
and I could go on and on
about all the things
you do for our family
(and we both know the list is long).
But on this day made for you,
I want you to know
that I appreciate you
for who you are,
not just what you do for others.
I value the generous, courageous
uniquely beautiful woman
I was blessed to find.

(INSIDE)

I wish you peace
and happiness, and most of all,
I wish that you will live each day
filled with the joy of love...
the kind I know every day...
because of you.

TARA CENTELO (AUTHOR)
Too much?

Yes.

[hopeful4her]

Yes. But I guess it depends on which woman she is. The one that she thinks she is or the one that I know she is.

Trying to read into what you are saying, Puppy.

[hopeful4her]

And on the card, I guess if I had to ask, then I already knew the answer. Thanks.

[hopeful4her]

At about 10 pm, D11 calls me from WW's cell to tell me that they are headed home and then corrects herself and says hotel. I was gonna freak. She says she misses me and wished that I could have gone. I tell her I miss her, too. She asks about puppies and I tell her they are fine. I ask if they had a good time and she says yes. I tell her the things I did today. I hear WW in background saying they are lost in her fathers neighborhood. Driving in circles. We laugh. I ask D if she knew the plans for tomorrow and she consults a bit with WW and tells me breakfast in the morning, a quick stop at WW's favorite restaraunt for some barbeque before heading home. I tell her to call me back when ready for bed so I can tell everyone goodnight.

D11 calls back about an hour later saying they are tto tired for baths and will take them in the morning. I call all of them stinkers and we are laughing. I talk to D6 who tells me she also misses me. I miss you, too. I miss you more, she says. I tell I love her and she asks if I want to talk to mom.

I ask WW about her day. She sounds frazzled and tired and a bit sad. I ask how her dad is and she says that he doesn't seem to have much time left. He has turned a shade of yellow and is down to about 125 pounds. He has little ones my D's age and also has two foster children. WW says the kids keep him going. I tell her that the kids give us strength. She says "Yes, they do." But not in a happy way. I know she is tired and it is hot there. Like I said before, about 105 for the day. We talk about her plans for tomorrow and when she is going to leave. She mentions that she'll just call her mother tomorrow morning because she is probably working anyway. I ask her what she wants to do tomorrow. "I don't want to do anything", she says kind of half heartedly. She feels like having steaks from the grill, baked potato's and salad. I say ok, consider it done.

I tell her hugs to you. Be strong with her dad. She says she will. I want to ask her what she is thinking about, but I don't. I know she is scared for her dad. I want to get into conversation with her, but refrain. Another time. She is messing with the girls and tells me in Spanish that she needs a cigarette. Didn't quit yet, huh. Nope. Not yet. Not today. I hear D11 say I know what you mean and gets on WW's case about smoking.

She says we'll see you tomorrow. I tell her "sweet dreams to you." She says ok and then she tell me goodnight.

Good night. See you tomorrow.

[hopeful4her]

Can I love the woman that has the unreal high expectations of what a husband or father is? Of what a man is? The woman who has to have her needs met, but is not able to see that I have needs as well. Who is unable to understand how to compromise. The one who believes that she is broadminded, but is actually narrowminded in her thinking?

Yes, I love this woman. I do pray for her to make changes in herself. I have lived with these for 14 years now. I know her issues, but I just accepted them. A lot of baggage that she has brought into our relationship. Too much to talk about. Now, through prayer and setting the example of change, she might make the changes. If she doesn't, then I keep on praying.

My car started leaking coolant yesterday, so I got up early this a.m. and tried poking around. Remember, I am not the fix it up kind of guy. I have a 99 volvo that I bought used from a dealer friend of mine. Got a great deal. A great deal of issues. Everything is so compacted under the hood. Can't see anything. I know it is leaking from somewhere in the back of the motor and under. I get the jack and lift. I'm a little reluctant to get under the car, because things like that kind of freak me out, and I don't have the blocks to put under the car. Besides, WW had a cousin the was killed about 2 years ago from a truck falling on him. I always think about that. Terrible way to go. Underneath, I still can't see where it is leaking, but I see the dripping. I'm on top and back down under sevaral times I get up from under, look at the coolant reservoir and it is already low. I go to water hose to fill a jug, and I hear a thud. I look back and my car is shaking. It fell off the damn jack! I mean, I was just under there one minute before! If that!

I go inside and I'm trying to keep my compusure. Why does God keep looking after me? My WW? I am prone to getting a racing heart beat. Had it for years, and just lived with it. Up to about 80 beats a minute. Feels like I am jogging. Never told anyone. Told WW last year, who told my mother who made an appointment with a heart specialist. From the doctor to the ER to stress test and a heart cath a year ago January. Non life threating electrical problem.

The effects from her stroke last year were gone in 2 months. Completely.

I am trying to gather myself and I want to talk to the kids. I call and they are already at the pool. I am talking to WW about her morning and she talks about how she thought the room came with a free breakfast. She had gone down to get some and picked up a plate and someone came and told her she needed a coupon for breakfast. We laughed at how her stomach growled at the guy. I could hear the girls having fun. I feel better and I tell her that I just wanted to call and check on them. I tell her my story and she reminds me of her cousin and gets on my case. That would not have been a good thing to come home to. I know. I'm stupid. She asks if I'm alright, and I tell her yes, but I am still freaking out and trying to keep my composure. She can hear it in my voice. She tells me that someone is looking out for me. I want to ask her why, but I just agree.

She tells me to leave the car alone. She'll call me when they are getting on the road, but she'll have the girls call me when they get out of the pool.

Ok, bye.