Let's just say that God takes care of His own people. Suffering is part of the Plan God has for His people as well.
These are very dangerous words in my opinion.
SF, you know, I hope, that I think you are one of the most solid people I have met on this board. You are steady and consistent, and your faith has been your rock through all of this.
I posted just the other day that I supported you and your approach because I felt you were at peace with it.
When your husband dropped the news that he was still sleeping with the other woman, you were NOT at peace. And quite frankly, you should not have been.
In my humble opinion, your husband is playing the spiritual/intelligent/misunderstood card with you in order to continue this lifestyle that HE has chosen to lead.
I do not believe that God, at His whim, chooses for us to suffer. I do believe that God will allow suffering to be part of our life if our actions have led to the suffering. Your husband is suffering, if he is indeed suffering, because he has for the past two years made decisions that hurt his family terribly.
Your son, and the problems he has, can be attributed to the behavior of his father. In fact, his fathers reliance and closeness to him has caused your son more problems than they have helped.
Your daughters have suffered from having a father abandon them, and from having a father treat their mother in a disgraceful way. They are learning that if they are treated like this in the future, they should just take it on the chin, because that's what God would want them to do.
Our faith is terribly important and terribly personal. But it's possible to hide behind our faith as an excuse for truly dealing with the situations that confront us in life.
I'm not in any way whatsoever suggesting that you should give up on your husband or marriage. QUITE THE CONTRARY. I'm suggesting that it's time for you to do MORE than just allow him to continually bring destruction to your family.
God is not happy with your husbands decisions.
And yes, He is quite likely trying to make that clear to your husband.
But that doesn't mean that you need to sit back and do nothing while this work is done.
Sorry for speaking my mind. Please tell me if I am being offensive and I will stop posting.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I have been dealing with this monster for awhile in my own hubby.
He is not able to support the children and I financially but instead we help eachother back and forth continuously.
My husband watches the kids while I go to work and is around a lot We see him 6 -7 times a week. I try to always be kind and loving to him. If he needs something I try to provide it as he does with me. He does not talk much but every now and then he shares a little.
I know the crisis is still on though but I usually hear about it more than anything. He makes such a conscious effort not to let his rage out on me and the children. I pray for him a lot and I pray that the Holy Spirit guides me on how I speak to him.
I know I do not post much but Butterflymom and Yellowrose are great inspirations to me and Steelers has helped me avoid many mistakes. Steelers helps me to see that there are things I have no need to worry about.
When our husbands are so confused and hurt I do not see how making ulitmatums and going dark can possibly help them more. When they were young they did not get the same love and affection that allows a person to grow up into an emotionally healthy adult. How is treating them the same way that damaged them in the past going to heal them in the present? Wouldn't that just add to it and make them feel more alone?
Jesus turns NO ONE away and gives NO ultimatums. I know we always hear the saying to treat our spouses the way Christ would. I was listening to a recordeing on Spirit of Hosea. The Christian counsler advised this, to treat your spouse the way you would treat Jesus. That takes such an act of faith. But this counsler saw many marriages restored.
God is not going to call us to stand to simply change his mind on us and say "oh nevermind, just kidding." His promises NEVER return void, all we need to do is keep looking to Him for guidance. As we give selflessly God WILL reward us in His perfect timing the years the locust have eaten will be restored.
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
SF, I do hope that you have a beautiful Mother's Day w/your family. God is watching over you and your family and your faith will guide and keep you strong as you walk the path you are traveling.
Happy Mother's Day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H also came over today for about 10 hours. I am seeing many changes but I am also keeping this at zero expectations.
It has been a great weekend for me and the kids.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H came over on Monday and Thursday for a little while. Very nice time both days. However, on Thursday, he had one of those anxiety attacks and really broke down crying and crying, said he was a failure, gained his composure and left suddenly.
I was very calm, told him I would continue to pray for him and he said that is the best thing to do at the moment.
I had no contact with him lastnight.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF, I am glad you are able to still pray for your H after all he has put your family through. Have you asked him if there is anything more you can do to help him? This may give you the key to helping move your sitch along rather than it remaining the same. So I guess what I am thinking of here is: Assuming for one moment that your H does want his family back together (it has to be an assumption until he carries out the actions to make it happen) what would he need you to do in order to help him achieve that aim? He knows what you need to happen b/c you have told him but unless I have missed it somewhere it doesn't appear that he has told you what he needs to happen.
I hope I make sense.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
The only thing he says to do is pray, pray, pray as his life is so messed up because he knows what he has done is wrong and openly admits how terribly wrong it is/has been.
There is nothing else I can do.
I no longer view this as something horrible he has done to our family but rather something God is having us go through for reasons not known to us at this time. ANd I no longer tell him the door is always open for him to return.
Last edited by steelersfan; 05/16/0812:42 PM.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
