another hard day. I DID spend a lot of time with friends and that helped. I'm trying to get h's words about his "love" for ow out of my head.
I am "dropping the rope" as db coach told me. Enough. I will GAL, 180, but for Me and d5. if he chooses to see the changes and come back, I"ll consider it. At this point his level of lying borders on pathological. I don't know who he is anymore. I feel like I'm dealing with an alchoholic. my mom was an alcoholic while i was growing up so I know what it feels like. the ups and downs, the measuring their moods. I've had enough.
I'm going back to school in august and now have to create a life to be proud of. if h sees these things and sees my changes, fine, but at that point, I can honestly say I don't know how I will feel about HIM and that is the truth.
i'm in therapy and I can now string together that he has a history of lying (not affairs) and he has never been there for me emotionally AT ALL.
He even admitted yesterday that when I went through my anxiety/depression period last fall he couldn't deal. To me, htat speak volumes of his character.
I am still devistated, to be sure. I still feel horrible about him telling me how much he loves ow. And I DO realize it's not about her. It still makes it hard.
H is either going to like the "new me" and the changes or he's not. I have to believe that by working on ME that I will be in a better, much better place in the end. Truth be told, last fall when he was so unavailable to me when I went through the anxiety issues, I totally forgot that I called a divorce lawyer to weigh my options -- my mom reminded me of this!! So obviously I wasn't happy.
it just hurts to be the one that's "left". Esp. when someone else is in the picture. Like I've been "replaced". He acts like this is "fine" and he feels totally justified. I made him miserable, so he has the "right" to have an affair.
