Mark- I truly appreciate your post. I see that you do not post a lot so it means even more the time you took to respond back to me. There are so many key points that I will think about:

I'm realizing more how the OM should have known better and hid behind the "tricking him" as his way to make him feel less shameful. He even said at one time that he made sure to not get in a relationship until his divorce was final....why would he do this with me before mine was final? You are right. That doesn't make sense. He would say he trusted me, but he should have known better.

Focusing on my husband's pain. YOu are right and I do feel more awful than I portray on here, I'm sure. I have never cried so much as when I told him everything. Every day I tear up when the talk of the affair comes up. It is my sadness for him...I wish I could take it all back. They were tears of sadness for him not for the OM. I love him even more now than ever because of the courage he has to face this with me, torture and all. Again, your words are truth.

" They say they are "done" and have affairs to hide the pain, to avoid admitting they love their spouse and miss them, and that they don't want to see things end." That's me to the T......means to excape feeling hopeless...yes, that was me. Yes, it would have been much easier to hide in an affair than face the long journey to relationship recovery.

I'm going to suggest the MC. It seems the best route. I see what you mean about the imagination running wild. I'm sure it is for him. I need to diffuse that. I will.

Thank you for this: "I don't want to sweep what happened under the rug, I lied to you and I am very sorry, but I am trying to erase his memory from my mind and heart, please help me do that by NOT pressing him into my mind often. I know you need to konw what happened, but I need to erease all memory of it so I can enjoy a life with YOU...please try to work on letting him go, so I can as well. I love you."

I have already used it and he totally understood.

Thank you for responding about the gifts as well. You are right and I didnt' think of it that way.

Everything you said made so much sense. Thank you very much for opening eyes a bit to some new thoughts. THis forum is amazing.

Thanks for checking in on me, Kat. \:\)

h4h- I continue to pray as well..... we need each other