Real life's getting more like fiction each day....

[SDFoundGirl]

Maybe you could enlist your inlaws? Tell them that he's bordering on emotional abuse...the things he's doing...maybe they can talk some sense into him.

Or you could get a restraining order if he pushes it. Or sell the car. And stop paying for anything that should be his responsibility.

Wow. Do you have family in the area? Somewhere you could disappear to for a few days? Be unavailable?

Hotwire has incredible deals on hotel rooms...what if you just disappeared for 2-3 days? My H and I paid like $75 for an amazing room at the Sheraton in downtown St. Louis the night before we moved...maybe you can find a similar deal? We've had rooms at 4 star hotels in STL for that price a few times when we've come back for family visits.

I say disappear for a few days if you can. The break will do you good. DO NOT answer your phone. Let your family know you're okay and that you do not want any contact with your H.

Blah!

SD

[Virtually_Handsome]

Hey Sara, I've followed a lot, but I don't know if I've ever written.

I don't think he'll call the police. Who is the one that's going to be embarrassed if he does? I don't think his pride can take that. If he does, the worst thing that can happen, I think, is that you let him in. And then get to the lawyer, and maybe get a restraining order if you have to, to keep him out. But, like I said, I don't think it will come to that.

[Starshyne]

Well I talked to him on the phone last night and it got ugly. I was mean, rude and vulger and now I regret it. I was just so angry. But that wasn't really me. Now I can't take back the mean and ugly things I said.

When I was on the phone with him he said that he was at that momemnt looking at apartments. I don't believe him.

I packed up his things in brown paper bags and put them on the back porch. Then I locked all of the doors so that he couldn't get in. He never came around.

I guess I will move his things into the garage. But right now I am scared. I am shaking so much. I just want this confrontation to happen so I can have some relief in all of this.

My parents live 2 houses down. My H is scared of my Dad right now (he is a really big guy) and they have offered to stay here with me, thinking that just the sight of his van in the driveway would scare H away without me having to change the locks.

H's parents are useless. They are part of the reason H is the mess that he is. He used them as much as he is using me and they never stood up for themselves.

I honestly don't see my H getting violent at all. If anything I was verbally abusive to him on the phone yesterday.

The idea of going away for a few days sounds wonderful. I would love to go visit one of my friends (one in KY or one in Boston). However, I have a lot of responsiblities at work here at the end of the school year. There is a field trip on Monday and I can't miss that and there is training for next year's book series that I can't miss as well. If I did leave for a few days, would it look like I had abandoned the house?

Well..there are a lot of things I want to do today. I do not want to wait around and see if my H is going to be coming around. However, if I leave then he can get in (the screen doors only lock from the inside). I think I am just going to go ahead and do what I want to do.

Thank you everyone for your support. Believe it or not, I still want to work on my marriage. I honestly believe geting H out of the house would be very helpful in saving my marriage.

[MichelleLT]

Hmmmm so not only did he not try and call the police, he didn't even come home. Sounds like he was blowing smoke. I agree he's just manipulating you.

Stick to your guns. I know this isn't the end in your mind, but a S might be necessary, or at least a firm boundary on him coming and going at all hours of the night.

(((((((Sara)))))))) You are strong.

[Starshyne]

Yeah, I seriously thought he just wouldn't show up. Sadly he has to come home sometime so I will eventually have to confront him. If nothing else I proved a point with him (since he didn't even come home to take a shower or get his glasses). I know he is working this morning. It just kills me that he has somewhere he can stay when it is convient for him.

Well I am going to go do the things I wanted to do today. If he comes into the house while I am gone, so be it.

[Starshyne]

H just came and got the things that I had left on the porch for him. He wasn't going to say anything to me, but I went out and talked to him, asking him if there was anything else he needed from the house. He said no. I asked him if he had somewhere to stay and he shrugged and said something about he could sleep in our garage if nothing else.

I have to remind myself that I am not the bad guy here. I sure feel bad. He looked so pathetic. Yet I do feel a little relieved. He didn't call the police...he didn't do anything. Maybe now I can actually sleep at night...

I did tell him that if he was ever willing to REALLY work on things, the door was still open to that posibility. He said. "Alright..thanks."

Sara

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sara,

GOOD JOB. I know this hurts, but this needed to happen. Please keep us posted.

Puppy

[cat03]

this must be so hard for you hon, but tough love is what's called for here, otherwise he'll just glide along)))))))))

about the ugly convos, it is so easy for our convos to go downhill, to let our anger and hurt just spill out thinking that we will better not realizing the way we are saying things just make things worse. Soooo BTDT. If you find yourself getting agitated and talking loud tell him you are feeling that way, that you want to hear him out but that you are getting too upset and need a break.
Letting all the poison out of you only poisons him.

If he is the man you for your he will straighten out and work to get you back, otherwise, he'll walk away and you've lost nothing. YOu are worth more than the life he's been giving you lately.

[MichelleLT]

(((((Sara)))))) You are doing the right thing. You are not walking away from your M, but you do need to take steps to change things. I am glad his threats were empty and I am glad there was no drama. Give it a couple weeks to see if it has any impact on him.

[Starshyne]

I know I did the right thing, although "kicking him out" sounds terrible. I am sure he will say "Sara kicked me out of the house," and people will think I am a mean person. However, when you hear the entire story, I know I am not mean for doing it. I did what I needed to do. I do feel a little bad about it, but that will pass.

I sent H a tm last night that just said "goodnight." He tm me back about an hour later with the same thing. I believe that part of him understands why I did it and I do think he still loves me and cares for me.

I still didn't sleep very well. I moved back to the bed for the first time in over a month. It has been raining and strong winds all night and it kept waking me up. I think I might take a Tylenol pm tonight and go to bed early.

I will get ready to go to church soon. I hate going to church alone, but I love singing to the Lord, so I will go. I know it is important for me to go do things, and what better thing for me to do than church?

I will see if anything changes in my H in a few weeks. I think it might take awhile before he really starts to miss me. I do think that he will begin to miss me and eventually it will hit him that he is messing up his life for nothing...

Sara