I think what you're saying has some truth about it. In my W's case, it has not been quite so extreme as what I have read about with others, but it is there. In a sense, it's like the MLCer has had a feeling of disregarding or suppressing some of his/her own desires/feelings for some time. Then, combined with changes developmentally, aging, etc., they begin to re-evaluate everything in their lives. They fear death, bodily decline, the fear that life is starting to run out and there is no control over that. The fear seems akin to "what if I don't live my life to the fullest possible??!!" and that often seems to connect with a disruption or tossing aside anything that was stable--precisely because it was stable. That something, in my case, was our relationship, and my W. I think felt "trapped". Ironically, this was so far from my experience with her, where I supported her on so many fronts, career, travel, etc, etc. But I think there is a desire to try to "wipe the slate clean" and go out there. My W. said something in the midst of one of our conversations which disturbed me. She said "I just want to see how big I can be out there in the world, and I feel held back." I was shocked. I was also deeply hurt and felt angry that the idea of being successful "out there" in life was assumed to be incompatible with a relationship with me.
So, yes, I would say that there is a self-focus about it all. It seems like because of this, it is so hard to allow room for consideration of the other person.
The part that has been so hard and painful for me is the sense of ridigity about it all. It gives no room for possibilities together, no room for working on any of it. Just cut and run. I know it's more complex than that, but that's how it does feel on the brown grass side of the fence.
Purr
Purr, I think we are married to the same woman. That is a shockingly accurate account of my situation. You described it far better than I ever could. Sorry it is happening to you too man.
