You are doing well. I understand your sadness. Hang in there, h4h.

Here is what I read in my book about the Flip-Flop factor:

The qualities that you consider negative are the "flop" side of the equation. The qualities that appealed to you when you were first attracted to each other, or that still appeal to you today, are the "flip" side. Put them down next to each other and you'll discover that neither side exists in isolation; that what you consider the good inevitably keeps company with the bad; and that the attributes that repel you may also attract you. when looked at from another angle.

Negative attribute: lacks spontaneity, passion, and a sense of adventure; boring------Positive attributes: stable, reliable, even-tempered, content

Negative attributes: cold , removed, unloving------------ Postive attributes: independent, confident, stable, strong, self-reliant

Negative attributes: arrogant, controlling---------- Positive attributes: masterful, competent

These are just a few of them, but you get the idea