I've been GAL-ing. Birthdays with family, meeting with artists, hosting a party downtown last night. I was home Thursday and she and I watched Lost together. Still in separate rooms at night. Still waiting on her to move to the apartment.
Last night, I got home from the party at about midnight. She was still up. At 1:00 am she woke me up and said "you can move to the bed." She was dressed up kinda nice. I honestly didn't give a sh*t where she was going, I was so sleepy. She seemed kinda mad. I'm assuming (ASSuming, I know) that OM did another midnight pick-up like once before. She packed certain things that tell me she's going to be gone two nights. I really hate being the roommate during the week, and then she leaves to "have fun" on the weekend.
It's demeaning.
But I can't physically throw her out, and I can't keep the ineffective broken record: "Move out. So when are you leaving? When? When? Why aren't you in your apartment yet?" That's pretty much why I try to stay out of the house.
Today I got an email from her grandmother, whom I love. She said, "How are you? I hope you're OK. Call us if you need to talk."
I am torn. I would like to, sort of, but I'm not sure what my motivation for doing so would be. Talking to people who love me feels good, but I know that in my mind I'd be hoping that they somehow smack some sense into her next time she sees them. And I know that would look like pursuing, even if I weren't. I doubt she's told them the truth about the affair. I also know that when she was in Hawaii, we talked and she FREAKED OUT when I said I was going to tell her family.
On the other hand, I'd like to blow yet another layer of cover off of the secret affair. Let it wither in the light of day. Except then W would probably resent me more, and for longer. Maybe best to avoid.
On yet another hand, though, I don't want to just ignore her. I know she's asking because she (and grampa) really love me. They care.
I don't know. Advice?
Today I feel really down. Really. I mean, I know how strong I've become in two short months. It blows my mind. But today... I. Am. Tired. of. this. I cried a bit. I haven't cried about any of this in a month. It came so suddenly and so unexpectedly. like someone flipped a switch inside me.
