The decision is made

[missmyfriend]

IMO, he was starved for affection. His mother would not allow them to show emotion which can be severely limiting. My Ws mother would not allow affection to be demonstrated and crying was ridiculed.

I can relate to your Hs attitude about it is up to your children to maintain a R with him. My W has done the same, for the most part, with our children. Of course, that is the attitude of my MIL with my W and our kids. My W is emulating her mother to a great extent.

With the OW, you are seeing what he wants you to see. If he is controlling his emotions, he has probably walled up is inner person. He wont let anyone get close enough to know who that is. From first glance, it sounds as though your MIL has done some serious damage to him. I feel sorry for your MIL because odds are that her parents were the same way with her.