how big of him not to be mad at you! uhmmm....thats MLC all right. that made me angry . me me me it what it said. alot of good points here made for you. i hope you you can see hes trying to wiggle back into that comfortable routine he had before he came home of having both ow and family life before he came home where he came home on the weekends.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
His not being mad made you angry? Really???? I did not feel angry at all!!! I prayed for him and was thankful we are still able to communicate.
As far as I am concerned this is a spiritual battle and one that only God can control and be in charge of. I knew that a few years ago as well but as humans, we tend to think we can change things and make people see things the way we see them.
What they need is lots of prayer.
H and I had another long talk lastnight--til after 3AM.
He says noone will ever know the things going on in his head every single day but, he said, somehow, God sustains him. Said there are times he cries, it is as if he is paralyzed many times, says he thinks about his family more than he cares to admit, loves us more than he could ever admit.
What feelings they had suppressed for so long finally start to re-emerge but they have to finish the battle on their own and away from those they truly love.
I think what is most effective for LBS's such as myself is that we NOT hold grudges, be ye kind (no matter how much we'd like to kick them in the butt), and carry on with our lives as best we can. And until their journey is finished, that is all we can do and instead of dwelling on it, we make the best out of what we have at the moment.
There is so much to be thankful for even though there have been some reough spots.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I just found it kinda crass, and ballsy....and only thinking of him.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Honestly SF, your husband needs some serious counseling.
If he was so wise as to the workings of the mind, as you have suggested time and again, I think he would have figured out by now that he's got some serious issues that he needs HELP with.
I don't buy the line that he's already smarter than all the counselor's that are out there.
And if the resistance to counseling is due to religious beliefs, I have to say that I think that's just plain silly. God expects us to lean on Him for our support, but I refuse to believe that God denies us the use of medical treatment.
He talks about all the things going on in his mind. He has expressed signs of paranoia and severe depression. And yes, for all who will remind me, many MLC'ers have some of these symptoms as well. My response is that just about all of them could use some counseling at some point to help quiet the voices that keep them slaves to their selfishness.
I do believe that in many cases God has already equipped us to be able to help ourselves in matters like these. He does not often work through direct intervention these days. He is our rock, our spiritual strength, our moral compass, but He expects US to take the steps we need to find healing.
God did not transport the israelites to the promised land. He made them march there. Keep that in mind.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I just found it kinda crass, and ballsy....and only thinking of him.
if he were the type to only think about himself, then things would be far different over here in many different ways. he has never backed out of his responsibilties except for the fact that he is not here but the rest he still takes care of.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I love your faith, you are a rock but, he IS SELF-medicating...thinking of himself by sleeping with OW.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
i knew long ago that he was self-medicating and the ow--that is to be expected...........i dont obssess over it any more because she really does not mean anything to him and she certainly has no part in my life or my kids. she is messed up, too.
it is a journey these spouses are on and i accept that.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
"if he were the type to only think about himself, then things would be far different over here in many different ways. he has never backed out of his responsibilties except for the fact that he is not here but the rest he still takes care of. "
Steelers what if he hadn't financial provided for you all to remain living as you do for these past 2 years and you had had to move or work full time would it have affected how you treat him and accept that he lives with another woman ?(not sure why she (ow) is to be expected. Bworl made some good points. I feel he is still depriving you of lots of things very selfishly. Surely marriage is more than being provided with material things, what about companionship, love moral and emotional support etc. What example is he setting to your children. Yes he may be sick but obviously not sick enough to get help or not sick enough to see a Dr. or give up work or follow his beliefs he so freely talks about. Take care.
Let's just say that God takes care of His own people. Suffering is part of the Plan God has for His people as well.
I am okay. I am at peace knowing that God is on my side and He will prevail.
Human intervention vs. God's intervention is so different. We, as humans, want things to work a certain way at a certain time. With God nothing is impossible and it is all on His perfect timing, not ours.
As you know, I have been more at peace than I have been frustrated.
As for what could have been financially, that is in the past and there is no looking back.
I would say as of this afternoon, there is movement, positve movement and I know God is working on him, us, the kids.
That is how I pretty much have dealt with this.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Oh, let me say that I would NOT have treated my H differently if he had not provided for us. That is pure phoniness to even think that.
I treat him the way God intends us to treat people. "Be ye kind, always forgiving one another just as Christ would do unto you......"
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
