Had a great trip to NZ. Did lots of good work, and also got to hang out with my best girl friends.
I also went to see my MIL - she cried the whole time, I guess its still emotional for her. And she dropped hints about how she hoped that we would still get back together. And it didn't bother me either way - I guess a good sign that I'm detached. I just gave very non-committal answers and said that I'm sure H would be OK (MIL is very worried that he's coping badly). I was happy, laughing and telling her about all the cool things I've been doing. So I think good DB-ing?!?
Another interesting thing was I went out with one of my girlfriends to a nice bar, and we met up with some of her friends. A bit of an eye opener for me as they are men-eaters - on the prowl for men and playing the game. One of her friends is having an affair with a married man, which kind of made me feel sick - she's young and hot and its just a joke to her, but I know the other side of the story, and how it has to end badly for all 3 people..... hmmm
No contact from H. This week we may have contact about the bathroom renovations. I'm having mixed feelings about seeing him under such circumstances - I will try and not be too awkward around him, but I know it will be hard.....
Also I've been thinking that I still love H, but I'm not sure that I could respect him again. Not sure I respected him before all this either.... maybe I was trying to control / change him because he just wasn't what I needed in a husband?!? I cant remember anymore and I cant determine what was real and what was just my perception of the relationship.
In 4 months we will we be able to get divorced. Will H wait until then before starting to make steps back towards me?!? I guess I'm just waiting to see what the next 4 months hold and the n I think I 'm ready to move on and meet someone new.
