Thanks for your advice, it really has helped. H has been called back into work so is coming back over later.
Saffie-what you said about H associating me with the bad things-I totally agree. This is a thought I have had many times. I even once told him that but of course he denied it. When he was unable to work because his medication made him sleepy (he's a driver!) we got into a significant amount of debt. Now when we talk about it, he seems to blame me for our money troubles! He says that I'm reckless with money (I admit, sometimes I am but mainly I'm good!). He has also said he doesnt like our lifestyle (house, mortgage, cat, dog etc). Whats that all about?!
I really think the problem is within him, but in turn it has had a negative effect on our M. Its like he has put a wall up between us, and while we can chat about every day stuff, our 'connection' and intimacy has gone. If that makes sense?? His eyes just seems so dead. I feel that he is running away from what he thinks is the problem (me, house, etc). I can see that he really believes that his feelings have gone-but how can I turn that around? The distance between us gets greater each day. He seems to have accepted that this part of his life is over, closed the door and has moved on with little emotion.
Please could I have the details of your psychologist? H said he would look into seeing someone about his issues. He regularly sees his GP and was referred to a psychiatrist last year when he was really depressed. He has an appointment with the psychiatrist this month. He also saw a C that his GP referred him to last year, but it didnt seem to help him at all. Its like on some leves he accepts he has a problem, but then seems to blame it all on our relationship. He seems insistent that he is depressed because of the guilt he feels of not wanting to be with me. The GP is slowly taking him off his meds at H's request. I'm not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.
When he comes back I am going to be cheery and nice. This morning he woke me up (was in sexy little pj's so actually wasnt a bad thing!) but I was quite surprised to see him so early and ended up a bit emotional. He has decided that he wants to share cutody of our dog and wants to see him at least once a week!! How does that work?? He seems to think that I will always be there for him (which I will but thats not the point!). He said he just wants me to move on as quickly as possible.
Right so the mantra for this afternoon is............no emotion, no emotion, no emotion!
Thanks again
Lea xxx
Me-26 H-27 T-10 years M-20 months First bomb-Feb 07 Second bomb-March 08
