Cleaning out the Cobwebs

[peaceful_spirit]

Aud,
First of all, no more mushy love movies. I try to stay away from those myeslf. Remember, those movies usually depict a couple at the early stages of their R -- all in love and goo goo eyed. I'd like to see that same couple 10 to 20 years in, with kids, a house, a mortgage, other temptations, etc... Anyway, stay away from mushy love movies.

I know the feeling of just being "unsettled". I still go through that. It sort of comes out of nowhere and many times, I don't even know what triggers it. No relationship is perfect. No partner will be the perfect partner. Rather than focusing on what you don't have wiht your H, focus on what you do.

I'll give you an example. A friend of mine was telling me about some problems she's having with her H. He is a really anxious guy. He is struggling with stuff lately. Anyway, he did something crappy the other night. It didn't involve another person or anything, but it was bad enough -- an old pattern returned - that my fried threatened to leave him. Anyway, the next day, he was filled with utter remorse, promising to get help, do whatever it takes, etc... All I was thinking was that when my H was going back and forth with OW, his remorse was minimal. It was there, and I knew he was hurting, but I really would have liked to see more desperation from him to keep me.

Anyway, I was thinking about that when she was talking to me. I was thinking, "i wish my H was filled with as much fear of losing me and regret and remorse". But then I remembered that her H is the same guy who is pressuring her BIG TIME about going back to work full time -- something she is just emotionally ready to do. When she's home with her D, he makes comments like, "it must be nice". Then I thought of my H... he not only doesn't pressure me about going back to work full time, he completely supports my schedule because he sees how much happier I am. I never feel ANY pressure from him -- really about anything. My friend's H pressures her all the time about stuff.

My point in this long example is that with different personality types come differnt "goods" and "bads". You've got to not only accept both sides, but try to focus more on the "goods".

Movies always depict these guys who are hopeless romantics, yet real guys' guys. You know... the perfect man. Totally in love with his leading lady, great looking, funny, successful... just all around awesome and without flaws. Doesnt' exist my friend.

Chin up. You are doing great.