I have just read though your posts on here. One thing that struck me is that your H might associate you with HIS problems - the money stresses etc, and that's why he can appear to function away from you but he has depression.When he is not with you he can forget about all the bad things. He may well be compartmenatlising stuff subconsciously - and you got stuffed in with the 'bad' things. I wouldn't take it personally. When I was really depressed I would project my horrid feelings onto my H, I would think he was judging me and blaming me for things, (and he wasn't), but it made me want to be away from him. I appeared to be functioning at a fairly high level elsewhere and I could appear 'happy' with others, whilst inside I felt like I wanted to die. I would also be places and then need to go home. I would have panic attacks etc. I got put on a mix of AD's plus valium and propanalol. When I was ready to look at myself I went to see a therapist. I had to be ready to do that though - I knew I needed help and even so it took me a few false starts. I found that the sort of C my GP would refer me to didn't help. Eventually I saw a psychiatrist, (mainly to look at the interactions of all the meds my GP had put me on), and he referred me to a clinical psychologist who practices Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. He is very good and I am pretty close to you so if you wanted his contact I could give it to you. He really helps me look at things differently. He showed me how my thought processes could get skewed and how to resolve that problem. Thing was though, I had to WANT, to go and I don't think your H has probably hit bottom yet; I had to really hit the bottom before I would acknowledge I needed help and then was able to open up. I am now off all meds etc and functioning well.
I had had a whole lot happen in both my own and my H's family and it had all ground me down, along with other general stuff; I just couldn't cope.
Be as cheerful and breezy as you can be with your H. I know it will be hard. Even when I was low like that and didn't function well with my H I NEVER looked at anyone else. Infact it drove HIM to be the one that had the A, (and he was the one I would put in your shoes). We never separated though because we had children.
When it comes to GAL why don't you do something that's physical so that it tires you out as well. It's pretty flat in Bedfordshire- how about cycling? Or take up something like horse riding. If you want something less energetic there are loads of book clubs / reading groups around, or start going out dancing- again there are loads of different clubs / groups around and you can go with other GF's or even by yourself; people tend to swap around when they dance so no-one is left out.
I hope I am making sense!!!!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
