A lot of the men that used to post on the SSM boards would say how they felt 'rejected' by their LD wives. In time they stopped pursuing because the rejections, be they ever so subtle, used to hurt them so much and are a real turn off.
I know that I tend to look to my H to initiate about 95% of the time. The trouble with that is if he initiates and I am not in the mood he gets a 'knock back' and feels rejected. Then if I only initiate a few times and sit waiting for him we get into a downward spiral. I never really thought about the 'rejection' angle for my H until I saw what some of the men on this forum had written - it really made me open my eyes.
When I was in a LD phase I would avoid physical contact with my H. I always thought it would lead to him pushing for more than I wanted to do. In doing that I am doing several negative things - I am taking away any small amount of physical contact at all - and from my H's perspective something was better than nothing.(He didn't expect it to lead to sex; often he just wanted a cuddle - it was ME that was getting it wrong). If I had had just a cuddle I might well have felt like doing more either then or later on, but I wasn't allowing myself any loving feelings stimulation. I was rejecting my H and making him feel bad about himself. I was teaching my H not to initiate.
It sounds like you are getting things sorted now - you go girl!!!!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
