One Light.... man you sound like you're at where I was at a few years ago. I too just didnt care. I just wanted reprieve. The fact that it was chemical was not a big deal to me.
Dont worry.... I wont preach at you. You, no doubt, have some awareness of the dangers and downfalls of drugs and booze. To me, that reads between the lines of your post. I get the sense that you would probably rather not be relying on them. I may be wrong.
In my experience, I have not seen that it is likely that a person will cease using or drinking until the pain of continuing exceeds the pain of ceasing. It is that simple. Until there is an inward WILLINGNESS, drugs and booze will always have a green light in a person's world.
Brother.... I believe you would find some interesting insights and fellowship in the rooms of some AA or NA meetings. There is no requirement to stop using or drinking to attend. And the only requirement to actually be a member is a desire to stop. What I found in the rooms of AA and NA was an opportunity to stop and find a way to deal with my grief, depression, anxiety, and misery. As you read in my post on germ's thread. I gotta tell you.... the freedom is awesome.
My ex can scarcely hurt me anymore. Even though she does the same things that once used to flatten me or send me into an emotional tailspin or drinking or using.
It is my experience that God, more often than not, delivers us THROUGH the challenges of life.... rather than delivering us FROM the challenges. By doing so, we gain the ability to have courage under fire. We become veterans of lifes battle such that when the bullets begin flying in another life issue, we dont panic or hide. We face the battle and even some times lead the charge to defeat the battle. We dont just do this for ourselves, we can do it for/with others. It has been revealed to me that Gods purpose for me is so far beyond just making my life better and more comfortable. It is for others too.
That is perhaps what the purpose of positng on these boards is. Giving back. Carrying the message of recovery from life circumstances... in this case our common circumstance is the pain of divorce. And for you and me it is drugs and booze.
By having gone through (and still going) what I went through, it has given me the strength to pass along what has so freely been given to me. And many people gave and gave and gave... and continue to give.
I am over 2 years clean and sober.... and more importantly... exctatically happy and free from anxiety and depression. It is amazing. If you are interested in these things, am happy to continue to share with you... and I would suggest trying a meeting. takes way mroe courage than drinking or drugging.... but the rewards are so much bigger. Infinitely. And as you are likely aware, I know of what I speak.
