Had a short phone conversation with the wife this afternoon. She brought up mother's day, so I figured it was a safe topic.

I told her over the phone that when I saw the look in her eyes...the way she looked in her eyes changed when she saw our son for the first time, I couldn't put it into words except to say it was a miracle. I actually SAW her change into a mother. It was the single greatest moment of my life.

I told her that I bragged to people about how I could actually SEE her change...I physically SAW it. It was like nothing I've ever seen, or will probably ever see again. In that instant, I saw the fire in her eyes...I saw what love REALLY is for the first time in my life.

She said that being a mother is the greatest thing in the world to her...and I told her that she should have no doubts, she is a fantastic mother to our son (and she really is). I also told her that I hope and pray that I can be as much of a father to him as she is a mother.

Again, she thanked me and said it meant alot.

I told her I realize I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but that the only thing worse than making a mistake is to repeat it...and I've been working VERY hard on being the best dad I can be.

She said she can see that our son means the world to me...but she still remembers a time when I obviously did not care about him.

It's true. At first, I actually resented him for some reason. I cannot explain why because I do not know. All I know is that I was not "normal", and it most certainly is NOT normal to resent your own child.

I told her that I have a lot of time to make up for, but that I was doing my best to make sure our son KNOWS his daddy loves him very, very much.

She let me talk to him on the phone for awhile. He's three, so his conversations are actually more like random thoughts that he has, but nonetheless, I love speaking to him. After a few minutes, he said "Want to talk to mommy?" I said "sure, kiddo...daddy loves you." His answer was "okay, daddy...I'm going to miss you."

I choked up....it was the first time he'd ever said that...and I was fighting tears when the wife picked up the phone.

I normally try to play strong and not let her see/hear my cry, etc, but i couldnt help it. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that it was the first time he'd ever said that to me....that he would miss me. She didn't say anything...so I told her I had to go, asked her to be careful, and said goodbye.

I dunno if I blew it or not...I'm TRYING to be strong. If there IS a hope, it certainly won't be because she sees me as a broken man without her...it will be because she will see the REAL me..the guy she married. Not some over-emotional trainwreck.