last night was a disaster. h came home so we could pick up my new car (his old one as he bought a new one since mine died). When he came in the house, we talked more about this refi that he desp. wants to do. I again told him I would be more comfortable with it if we were doing it because we are working on our finances TOGETHER (as per my dad's advise) and asked again if he meant it when he said we could give our marriage another try. Then, believe it or not, we had sex. Initiated by both.
After, we picked up d5 from daycare and went about the hour drive to pick up the car. On the way there we talked about what giving it another try would mean. I told him I respeced the fact that he wasn't ready to come home (he earlier said he wants to wait until August as he has paid for a place upfront til then). I was fine with that. Then I said, "well then until then, why don't we do once a week date nights?". I was really loving when I said this. He then got quite. I asked what up and he basically (to make a long story short) told me that he "can't" and the ow is still very much in the picture. I can't even remember what else he said because he told me this week that she was OUT of the picture! God WAS' are such liars! He totally manipulated me by saying it was over with her and wanting to give our marriage another try to get the refi!!
Now, please understand. When he first brought up the refi, I told him I needed to think about it because this refi will basically take all the equity out of our house. I then talked to my dad, whom I very much trust when it comes to financial matters as he ran a very successul business, not to mention he is 70 and has lots of life experience with regards to marriage and seeing people divorce, etc. My dad basically said that while he didn't agree with the refi in general, he felt that as long as we were working on our finances in general and OTHER issues in the marriage together, then it made more sense,but only if we were working as a couple with all of this. That made sense to me. My h adores and respects my dad and seem to "get this" 2 days ago when we really talked about the refi which ended up in one of the best R talks we have ever had.
I was loving, totally took responsibiliy of my side of the street and completely validated his feelings. There was a def. softening on his part.
Now this. He was just stringing me along to for me to sign the refi (which I haven't since we haven't closed on it yet).
I know I set myself up for a fall, but it's like I got kicked in the stomach again. As per DB, I have NEVER quizzed him about ow. I don't even ask what her name is, what she does for a living, nothing. I still haven't asked and I won't.
I tried to be quiet in the car rest of the way, but he kept bringing up ow. He loves her, blah, blah, blah. I told him, to pleasee stop talking about it as d5 was in the backseat (she was watching a dvd on a portable player and I PRAY she didn't hear our convo.
Is there ANY hope at all in getting back together if he is so "in love" with ow? As anyone heard of such a thing? I cried the whole way home (I was alone -- he has d5 for the weekend). He just sounds so "final" about it. I know that affairs fizzle out and they (from what I estimate) have only been together for about 3 months. (about 2 weeks prior to him telling me initial I don't love you bomb, but lied that there was someone else which I found out later).
Is there any chance here? I'm going LRT big time now. No more R talks. I guess the only thing I can do is to "wait" for this affair to run it's course.
Oh, one more important thing. I don't know why he said this and i can't remember in what context, but he told me that he would still be home if he hadn't met ow.
I know this sounds wierd, but I haven't been really jealous of ow until this point. I knew she was just a symptom of other issues. my now I feel like she is some goddess who is 'better' than me and that h will never want to be away from her.
