We did have fun. I picked her up and we went to see our varsity baseball team in the semi-finals. I spent most of my time playing w/ D on the grass or out in the bleacher sections, but she was happy and I still got to see the game and root on my kids. The team won in the 9th, but D had told me it was time to go in the top of the 8th, so I didn't get to see the comeback. Oh, well. The most important thing was paying attention to D and we were enjoying goofing w/ each other.
Tomorrow we'll do breakfast, buy the gift, and then probably swim before I take her to W. We'll again have a good time together and then I get her again on Monday, so I won't be away from her for too long.
I forgot to tell you all about my conversation w/ a divorced man who was picking up his D at a McDonald's yesterday. While my D and his D were playing, we chatted. His W had told tales about him as well (said he was physically abusive) and I told him my tale. He said as long as I take the high road and keep my cool (which I'm trying to do) I'll get what I'm asking for. He was a trial L himself, so he said it sounded like my W was the one who was out of control and that will come back to bite her. He also said her moving away will work against her too, so I'm hopeful things will someday shake down in my favor.
I told him about my deposing W to get her to explain the inconsistencies of her stories and to get her to admit to the truth on the record rather than the lies she's spinning. I told him I'm not concerned about the cost, but instead wanting to put down an accurate account so my D can know the truth in the future, if she ever wanted to know.
However, I have to say I'm torn by the desposition. I want to dispute the charges and feel I really have no choice, but at the same time, I still love my W. I know it is crazy, but I do love her still. My chief concern is the deposition is helping me w/ my legal battles to have equal time w/ my D, but at the same time it is most likely going to crush any small hope I had of resurrecting my family again.
I know. I know. The focus is on my D and what is best for her. That is why I'm fighting - for her. However, I'm still torn up and saddened by it all. I really am.
I wish I didn't love my wife. It would be easier to hate her right now. The problem is I don't hate her and I can't bring myself to hate her. I still think fondly of her despite what she's done and is doing to me.
Maybe I'm a sucker or a doormat. I don't know. I'll keep fighting for my D and I'll keep reminding myself that the right thing to do isn't always the easy thing to do. I won't cave or give in. I can't. I wouldn't be able to look at my D if I did.
But it still hurts to be in love w/ my W. This is why I'm sad and torn up inside.
