Thanks H4H - I know we are in the thick of things. Even when I go get the mail, I get all weepy. WTF is the attitude I need back. Can't wait for parents to get here. I am such a momma's boy, even at 46...
Just need to give myself the time to cry every now and then. No more when W is around, that is for sure, no more R talks, only the strong silent type - well, strong at least...
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Thanks H4H - I know we are in the thick of things. Even when I go get the mail, I get all weepy. WTF is the attitude I need back. Can't wait for parents to get here. I am such a momma's boy, even at 46...
Just need to give myself the time to cry every now and then. No more when W is around, that is for sure, no more R talks, only the strong silent type - well, strong at least...
CBK
Dude, you must stop. When I get sad I do something to get my mind off it. Go do something when this happens. Don't just sit and let your mind wander.
CBK, about the yo-yo emotions, I do the same thing. I don't even know yet what causes the switch from feeling okay about things & feeling strong, to feeling hopeless & despondent.
I was going to blame mine on hormones, but I guess you don't get that excuse.
Feel better. Have a great time with your parents.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I love her, but am becoming more and more detached.
This quote from your post yesterday evening indicates to me that you still don't understand detachment. Detachment is not the opposite of love! You detach BECAUSE you love them. Do you need to detach from the cute grocery clerk when she checks out your groceries? Of course not! You are not connected with her.
Quote:
The cell phone kills me to, she is NEVER without it - that is a sign within itself.
Yeah, it sure is....another sign you're not detached. I almost counted the references to your W versus references to yourself in your last days worth of postings. Way out of balance! You are still far to focused on what she says, does, might be thinking, etc!
CBK, you really are doing good....and most of what you are doing...we all did in the beginning. I'm just trying to help you recognize that the sooner you REALLY detach...and REALLY focus on YOU....the sooner you'll see things turn.
Have fun with your parents! I think it is awesome they were even willing to come given the sitch. Most parents seem to feel their 'kids' hurt so much they want to be far from the sitch. You must have really strong parents. Remember to tell them how much you appreciate their support...but, also be clear that you are praying and working for the restoration of your marriage.
I hope you get a good night's rest...you've had a tough couple of days.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Thanks Faithful - I am doing better. I re-wrote the detachment piece you sent me and put W's name in where appropriate and my name in where appropriate. When ever I start to get down, I pull that out and read about detachment. Trust me, much better today than I was a few days ago.
My parents are amazing. My mom is actually going to a concert with my D20, W and MIL - pretty amazing people.
I will make more of an effort to talk about me on the post, what I am doing. Like golfing with my 72 year old dad who is in great health.
I know this weekend will be tough on all of us, especially W - she is going to really see what she is giving up.
I am not on AD - thought about it, but since this has been situational, my doc wanted to give it a bit longer. It is more about mood swings for me, no thoughts about hurting myself or W. I understand what you are implying though, if I keep this up, I may look into them.
Thanks all,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
CBK, you might want to look into the ADs. They really helped "even me out." Your moods seem to be all over the road, and understandably so. Still, they might help.
smartcookie, I don't know what you are taking, but if it is over the counter "Melatonin", I learned from experience that if you don't take at least 9 mg per night, you will probably wake up too early. I was taking only 3 mg and just getting a "nap" every night until I learned through a friend's doctor that that was not enough. If you are taking a prescription, it sounds like the doctor doesn't have you on something strong enough. Tell the doc you are not sleeping through the night. That is important b/c that is when our bodies does its restoring/healing and when we don't get it.....then we can't handle the other problems with the strength and emotional balance we need.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
