Cake eating or progress?

[smartcookie]

PS:

"Look- I don't *want* to understand your position. You should have been glad for me that I was enjoying myself.

WOW... ok, total bozo-brain moment from him.

It should not be acceptable for him "not to want to understand you".

Sounds like you and he need to have a discussion (or 10) on what exactly it means to each of you to be in "a relationship", nevermind a marriage.

I totally agree with Dom R, that sentence pissed me off & I'm not married to him.

[Dom R]

i read somewhere about how you can tell if someone is cheating on you, or you are "#2 girlfriend" or something.

The highest answer was:

Friday night is date night. If they are "busy/unavailable" then, then you are just a backup girlfriend.

[Trixi]

I think that I *might* MIGHT believe he didn't go out tonight IF he shows up driving his 'daily driver, smoked in' truck. If he meets me at the bar in his mustang, then I will be even MORE sure he had a date.

I wish I could have some sort of epiphany on *where* he would go; but given how broad the match geography is...well, he could be just about anywhere. I think most people would want to meet somewhere half-way in between.

And what if I am driving myself crazy and he really IS just relaxing at the house?!?!!

[Dom R]

And what if I am driving myself crazy and he really IS just relaxing at the house?!?!!

then go over there, and bring somethign to help him relax.
without calling him first.

one way or another, you'll feel better than you do now.


normally, i'd say just try to relax and not worry about it.

but after what he's been up to.... not today.

[smartcookie]

Whatever you decide to do, let us know, I'm getting worked up just wondering.

[Trixi]

Whatever you decide to do, let us know, I'm getting worked up just wondering.

LOL- thanks Smartcookie. I'm pretty worked up myself!

Unfortunately, I tried a couple different ways to invite myself over there and he was clear that he didn't want me to come over-so showing up with something to help him relax would be VERY unwelcome. AND, when we hung up, things were VERY tense between us-- Clearly, he is feeling pressured by me and is backing off.

I just need the "perfect" reason to call him; he's no dummy, though, and he would see right thru it- which would probably only irritate him further and create more pressure.

I still can't figure out how accurate the match.com 24 hour thing is. They do have one FAQ question "What does "online now" mean?" and their answer was that it means they were/are online within the past hour, but sometimes the computer will have delay in posting, so it might be more than an hour.

[Dom R]

so showing up with something to help him relax would be VERY unwelcome. AND, when we hung up, things were VERY tense between us-- Clearly, he is feeling pressured by me and is backing off.

no, i'd say "he's feeling guilty and worried that you'd CATCH HIM".

i say you have the perfect reason to go over there.
it's not a "nice" reason. but it's a perfectly valid one at this point.

Tell him the truth, if you cant think of a nice reason.

Say that you know about his match account and you wanted to see if he was with anyone.
tell him when you GET THERE.

[Trixi]

Obviously you have a lot more cojones than I do!

What if after all of this hand wringing on my part, etc, he only logged into his match acct. Nothing else. No dates. No 'wink'ing at anyone. Nothing but a guy who has had 4 weeks out of 6 weeks off and just had to go to work for a week and now he's tired.

And what if my obvious impatience is pushing him away?

I think showing up there would do absolutely NO good if he *is* home. He would feel disrespected and put upon. If I could think of a scenario where it turns out good, then I might risk it, but all I see are a bunch of downsides.

Can you picture anything postive coming from it?

[Dom R]

oh.. another thing about match....
he can still "look", and check his messages, with his profile not visible.

When he makes his profile visible.. that says,
he is looking for people to approach him for dating!

what he is doing, is completely non-innocent, and counter to any claims that you are "exclusively dating". unless you're ok with "exlcusively dating until he finds a new date"


even if he does NOT have anyone there.. you should probably haul him on the carpet.

But odds are.. he's with someone

[Trixi]

Dangit- tomorrow we're supposed to double date to see Cirque. This is going to screw that all up.

Well, you know what- I am just going to ask him if we are exclusive and if he loves me more than anyone in the whole world, what is he doing on match? (Is there really an answer to that? ugh.)

Sunday I am supposed to go thru all the Costa Rica pics with my family. wow. won't THAT be fun.