Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

Hi Mishka,
I haven't yet found a support group here. I am waiting until we are "out" to the kids and everyone. I see a therapist and I have an incredible group of friends. I am not religious at all, so anything church-related isn't right for me.

I GAL'd anyway, so it's hard to make a dramatic change there. I am going to a volunteer fair next week to look into something I can do at a hospital or with animals. I took the girls to LA to visit a friend of mine over spring break. But I work part time, freelance at home, so a priority is to get more work, esp if D is coming in the future. I am so distracted and pre-occupied that I am not focusing well at all. I also tried my hand at gardening for the first time, but my back didn't like that too much!

At the moment, I am very upset because of something that happened a little while ago. D6 wanted to sleep in the fort they made in the family room and wanted d11 to join her. D11 didn't want to and D6 started crying, so H volunteered to sleep with her.

D11 said "You're just looking for an excuse not to sleep with mommy since you are getting a divorce!"

We have not told the Ds anything, but D11 is obviously aware that things are not right with me and H. That sort of blew over and D went back to her reading, but I am SO ANGRY WITH MY H FOR DOING THIS TO OUR KIDS. My D11 is especially anxious, blames herself, a perfectionist. She is facing so many changes in her life (sleepaway camp and a new school next year) and I am just livid that H wants to break up our family now.

How did you tell your kids? We have agreed that I will not badmouth H, but that he must be upfront about this being his decision. The above scene just made me feel more strongly about that. I can't even imagine being there with him, but I guess I will have to.

Look, I know the guy is struggling and that he genuinely feels he cannot remain in our M--I do. I can take his leaving at this point. But I really find it inexcusable for him to do this to our family, our kids.

Glad to have you here, Mishka. Hugs to you too.