Hi na- I understand your frustration. I have difficulty with the same kind of issues. My H always used to make comments that he would rather pay someone else to do things around the house than do it himself...grrr! Just the thought of my H saying that frustrates me but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. There has to be some kind of an arrangement that you and your H could come up with that would help the problem. Maybe you and your H can assign all of the household responsibilites and if your H neglects his duties, either just let those things go or hire someone to take care of them if you can. What are your ideas?
It sounds like things are moving along nicely for you and your H. Has he moved everything out of his condo yet?
Other than saying you should really help your wife out more around the house, did this brainiac actually have any plan to get him to do so? I dunno some solutiuon based program?
After the age of 6 or 7 behaviour is established. To affect change it is usually a reward or punishement system.
Right now a punishment system isn't what you want.
Most guys like sex. and I'm not talking the normal bump and grind standard weds. night. More like the outfit he likes but you don't wear, I'm not saying deviant, but I am saying memorable. Make a contract with him, show him EXACTLY how much you appreciate it when he does what he says he will and when he actually helps out.
You can thank me later from the spotlessly clean and totally rebuilt home you reside in.
Edit - contracts are obligations kept by both sides, btw.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 05/08/0806:22 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Most guys like sex. and I'm not talking the normal bump and grind standard weds. night. More like the outfit he likes but you don't wear, I'm not saying deviant, but I am saying memorable. Make a contract with him, show him EXACTLY how much you appreciate it when he does what he says he will and when he actually helps out.
You can thank me later from the spotlessly clean and totally rebuilt home you reside in.
OK, I admit that I'm a little offended (there's really no need to insult my C, who I'm finding very helpful, just because I post part of one suggestion she made at the end of our last session)...
but that's not going to stop me from considering your thoughts. You make it sound so simple- if I start behaving like his sex toy, then he will do all of my bidding! Are men really that simple?
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Don't be offended here.
Quote:
and the C though he should offer to help more
No shinola...really?
Other than saying you should really help your wife out more around the house, did this brainiac actually have any plan to get him to do so? I dunno some solutiuon based program?
After the age of 6 or 7 behaviour is established. To affect change it is usually a reward or punishement system.
Right now a punishment system isn't what you want.
Most guys like sex. and I'm not talking the normal bump and grind standard weds. night. More like the outfit he likes but you don't wear, I'm not saying deviant, but I am saying memorable. Make a contract with him, show him EXACTLY how much you appreciate it when he does what he says he will and when he actually helps out.
You can thank me later from the spotlessly clean and totally rebuilt home you reside in.
Edit - contracts are obligations kept by both sides, btw.
Maybe you and your H can assign all of the household responsibilites and if your H neglects his duties, either just let those things go or hire someone to take care of them if you can. What are your ideas?
Besides Jack's suggestion of trading sexual favors for doing work around the house , you mean? I've been thinking that I certainly can't control him, what he says or what he actually does. All I can control is my reaction and my expectations. I am leaning toward expecting him to do nothing and being grateful when he does do something. I just wish he would say "No, I'd rather not paint the ceiling. Can we hire someone?" Then I wouldn't spend my time and energy wondering when it's going to get done.
Originally Posted By: Upside
It sounds like things are moving along nicely for you and your H. Has he moved everything out of his condo yet?
No, not yet. He still has another month there because he had to give notice. He's moved the essentials back home, but not everything. He didn't bring too much there in the first place, but bought what he found that he needed after leaving.
And he's still not wearing his ring. I think that's my first new goal.
I know exactly how much extra work I would be doing around the house, hell I'd build a space elevator for a french maid outfit, but that's just me.
LOL. You crack me up!
We have a busy weekend coming up- First Communion weekend. My family is coming from out of town. Stress! I hope you all have a good weekend! Smooches...
I have one of those, it just sits in the closet now.......
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
, you mean? I've been thinking that I certainly can't control him, what he says or what he actually does. All I can control is my reaction and my expectations. I am leaning toward expecting him to do nothing and being grateful when he does do something. I just wish he would say "No, I'd rather not paint the ceiling. Can we hire someone?" Then I wouldn't spend my time and energy wondering when it's going to get done. 
