Ex stays away, no emails, phone calls and no requests for items in the house.
He is much more loving with the kids.
It was my week to pay the day care bill, ex paid it....
Ex was on T.V. a couple of times this week. He looked horrible, even with make-up. He appeared very unsure of himself and lost his arrogant persona. He made several mistakes while on the air.
I am praying that he becomes aware of the damage he has done to his family. I am praying that his spirit becomes humble and he starts to repent.
One can only hope......
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
T How can they be so detatched from the pain they created in us and the kids the pain they created even in our parents and theirs they seem to block it all out and stay numb after our converstaion tonight I think my H is mentally ill peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
He had to drop the baby off this morning because my mom and dad were taking her on an outing.
He was fine the first 30 seconds he saw me. Then he SPEWED LIKE I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM SPEW.
He said he is miserable. He wakes up every morning wishing he was not alive. He is poor, has no credit, and is working his ass off day and night. He said his life is far from what he thought it would be and is not "stable at all".
I told him that is what he wanted.
He said that he has "re-bonded" with the kids and cooks them really good home cooked meals. He has done everything to make me happy. (I have no idea what that means).
He said it is so hard cooking and cleaning and working and taking care of the kids.
I told him that is what he wanted and he made those choices.
He said he is glad he left me and our marriage was going to fall apart anyway.
I told him that God can restore marriages and anything is possible with his help.
I told him I pray for him everyday.
He got very angry and than threatened to take me back to court. I have no idea why.
He asked for more stuff out of the house. I told him to take it. He said he had no place for it. ----WTF
He threatened not to bring the baby back this weekend.
I told him to leave.
I had to drop the baby off at ex's after she spent the day at my parents. Ex was very humble. He asked if I wanted the kids before Sunday because it was Mother's Day weekend. I told him no thank you. He inquired about what I was doing tonight and told me to have a wonderful night. He looked sad and pitiful. I could tell he actually felt bad about this morning.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
So T even though you have been D a few months now your H still wants you to pat his back and say there, there everything will be alright. Interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
It is weird when you get to this point in the LBS's journey.
I really don't have that much anger for him anymore. A lot of pity and sorrow for what he has done to his life. He has a life without self-awareness and growth.
I can't imagine being trapped in a world where your key concern is yourself. What a shallow, lonely place that must be.
He is a poor pathetic representation of the man I once knew and loved.
If I did not have the unconditional love I have for him and the bond of a covenant marriage, I would find this man so very unappealing and unattractive. He does not represent anything close to a mature, spiritual, masculine, man with integrity. He only represents a shattered child who is rebeling against the very thing I value the most -- family and committment.
I am trying my best not to give up. He has shown some growth through the tunnel, but I am so very through with the games, spewing and horrendous journey this man has put me and my children through. I have no respect for him anymore.
Why is it when I feel him getting closer, I want to stop fighting for my marriage. It has made me wonder if I am just in this to win the fight. I hope not, that would make me just as shallow as him.
I will continue to go dark, unless he specifically requests to talk to me. I believe his slight progression through the MLC tunnel only happened because I was dark. He had no one to blame things on and had to look at himself which I am sure was painful.
I hope he finds his answers and I hope God gives me the strength to keep standing strong and faithful....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I know exactly how you feel T. When I told my H the other week that I will agree to the D after all it was b/c I suddenly thought 'this man does not deserve me and I deserve better'.
I'm currently confused about whether I will continue to stand after the D and this is partly b/c unlike some I have seem to have lost my faith throughout all of this. Clarity will come but it isn't there yet.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I really don't have that much anger for him anymore. A lot of pity and sorrow for what he has done to his life. He has a life without self-awareness and growth.
Trusting - I can SO relate to this!! exactly where my h is.
Quote:
If I did not have the unconditional love I have for him and the bond of a covenant marriage, I would find this man so very unappealing and unattractive. He does not represent anything close to a mature, spiritual, masculine, man with integrity. He only represents a shattered child who is rebeling against the very thing I value the most -- family and committment.
Again my friend - it is like you put my mind right on paper. Amazing how two people (and many others like us) have the SAME EXACT thoughts and feelings.
T- my H sounds so much like yours. Pitful is the WORD to describe them - seeking whom they can blame for what they have chosen. NOT willing to face their stuff --- even when others around them would support them (NO PRESSURE FOR RELATIONSHIP) but truly support them through it. Just amazing....
Stay dark- do what you do so well. I am sorry he is such a dork.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Trusting, Although I can totally understand the desire to say "This is what you wanted," if you are still interested in working on things, this is not going to come off well.
You could say you are sorry that it is that way. It is hard not to be sarcastic, I know.
I understand how it is that you feel the way you do; I too am worn out.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
