You are so close to being my W. We too met in college as well and used to go the library together. She too has forgoten what we had so long ago. We tried to talk about it at the last counseling session, but WAW is too into OM right now, she even writes that she gets turned on just thinking about him... if that doesn't shoot your ego down.
Like H4H, I am working on friendship, hoping that WAW will come out of the fog - I am not as hopeful as some!
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Last night went very well. Got off work a little early to get WW her Mothers Day gift. A cross necklace from James Avery.
Something funny. I bought WW a ring from there about 2 years ago for an anniversay gift. Beautiful script "Love" and 2 hearts on opposite side. Symbol of our love for each other. Last October, when WW stopped wearing her wedding ring, I at least had some satisfaction that she would wear the anniversary ring, sometimes.
She has now been wearing the ring full time on her wedding ring finger for a couple of months. Symbolic for me in that it covers her in my love when I'm not around. I don't think she understands the meaning it holds for me for her to be wearing it. It may just be a pretty ring for her or maybe another meaning to her. James Avery is a Christian based jeweler. I'm not going to say anything about it at this point. Gonna let her stay covered whether she wants to or not.
Continuing.
WW got home before I did and started on dinner. Her chicken flautas. Yum! It was only WW, I and D's. S14 went to his Dads for the weekend. Sat in living to watch a family movie. D6 insisted on sitting next to me, so WW sat next to D11. As movie went on, they all switched places and WW ended up on sofa and me on floor sitting next to her legs. My shoulder and her legs were touching the whole time and we were sharing some candy back and forth.
After movie, cleaning up, WW became unsure of the Laredo trip because of the puppies. She was changing her mind and maybe she'll just check on him and we can rent a hotel downtown here and just have a vacation day at the pool and be back home. We'll see in the morning.
Slept under the regular bedding, but still close to each other. Lots of leg, arm and butt touching Of course, this is all in our sleep, but I know this because I am a very light sleeper. WW sleeps like a rock. Anything wakes me up. At one point, I woke up and thought about putting my arm around her waist like I used to sleep, but decided against. I have gone to fast in the past.
Kids wake us up in the morning by throwing puppies in our face. I'm a little irritated but catch myself. They are excited about going somewhere. I make us the coffee and WW makes the waffles and prepares mine all the way. Kids keep asking what we are going to do. I can tell WW doesn't know what to do. I ask her what she really wants to do. She says visit her father. I tell her to go and I will stay and take care of the dogs. I tell her she needs to go and visit him if that is what she really wants. She calls FIL and talks to him and I hear her say that maybe they'll just go for the day and included me on the visit. She tells me maybe just for the day and I tell her that she will probably want to spend the night when it is time to go. I will stay and get some projects done.
I have a feeling that she is thinking that I don't want to go. I tell her that I want to go, but I want her to enjoy herself and not feel rushed to come home. She has the option to stay the night.
D11 is bummed and is my sensitive one. "But I want you to go, Dad!" she says in her whiny voice. Repeatedly. I tell her they'll have fun, I'll be ok and will take care of the dogs. Everyone get ready and packed just in case. I do want to go, but I am not going to say so. I'll let her go with the kids. Say my good byes to kids. I'm at the house doorway and WW just gives me a wave from the car and says she'll call me when they get there. I go to tell D6 to be a good girl and WW walks my way. I go to give her a hug. No hug back at first, but then a half hug. I tell her to please be careful and she says not to worry. I tell her to call me. Say goodbyes again and come inside and hear car drive away. I know that D11 is telling WW that she misses me already. I know her.
Tearing up. I hate being away from them. I want to be with them. All of them.
I hear car drive back in. My heart is pounding. Wiping my eyes. Can't let her see me like this. Putting away clothes.
It is D6 bringing dog back inside because she was trying to follow. Good bye, again sweety. I love you.
Tears are coming again and really down.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Trying to help others in thier sitch helps to refocus my thoughts. Going to go and get some projects started that need to get done today. Be productive. Fix that fence, finally and maybe stain my unfinished dresser that I have had for maybe 7 years. My 180's. WW will freak if I get that one done.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Ok, while out mending fence and cutting lawn, I find I missed a call from B. Inviting me out with another mutual friend. Lord, give me strength. Today of all days for her to call me. I am going to be really lonely today. Her interest in me could just be in my head. Close friends that know my sitch and all of us, say that they think she likes me. Maybe were both just lonely.
WW just called about 30 minutes ago. Got to Laredo just fine about 45 minutes prior. FIL had some things to do, so WW rented a hotel and they are at the pool relaxing. Took a while to get there because she stopped off in a town to eat and to refresh. She started getting sleepy on the road. We talk a bit and I tell her that she sounds really tired. She says she is and it is hot. About 105 degrees hot! She says today might be a good day to totally stop smoking. I laughed and agreed. She tells me some of the things she planned and she'll call me later. She sounds out of it, and I suggest they all go take a nap later.
I tell her to be safe out there. She says, "I always am."
Sounds like they will stay overnight. I am at home. Alone. Nothing planned. The one that wants to go out with me, I probably shouldn't. As I was mowing, and after I heard the VM from B, I started to get pi**ed at WW. Why should I be treated this way? Why have I let her turn my world upside down? I don't need to be going through this sh**! Who knows how many EA's she has had. Did any become physical?! The emails I have found. The texts that I found. Different guys. WTF is wrong with me?! Why do I want to be with someone who would do this to me? Say the things that she has.
Because I know her deep down inside. I can see her, sometimes. I know she is still in there. Everything tells me that I will be disappointed.
I am in love with this woman.
Deeply.
Unconditionally.
Again, the burning question. How long am I going to wait for her to come "home"? This question haunts me.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
You are doing well. I understand your sadness. Hang in there, h4h.
Here is what I read in my book about the Flip-Flop factor:
The qualities that you consider negative are the "flop" side of the equation. The qualities that appealed to you when you were first attracted to each other, or that still appeal to you today, are the "flip" side. Put them down next to each other and you'll discover that neither side exists in isolation; that what you consider the good inevitably keeps company with the bad; and that the attributes that repel you may also attract you. when looked at from another angle.
Negative attribute: lacks spontaneity, passion, and a sense of adventure; boring------Positive attributes: stable, reliable, even-tempered, content
While we have considered each other complete opposites, deep down we are alike. Putting others before us, our children, giving the shirts off of our backs. We say the same things at the same time. Constantly. If we pinched every time we did a pinch poke you owe me a coke, we'd be bruised for life.
I think of her as the ying to my yang. Like the tattoo that I had done a couple of years ago. Opposites, that together make a whole with a bit of the other, in each other.
The positive/negative attributes are nearly dead on for us.
I have heard other W's that complain the thier H's don't know them. I know my W. Of course, it would seem like I don't because of my sitch. An arguement that we had nearly a year ago, she told me that I knew everything about her. When she should be taking pills, when her period was coming and on and on. She told me she hated it. I told her that when she was at work, she had a whole other life that I didn't know about. Her work life and her internet life.
Everything was happening at work. At the time, I just didn't know to what extent.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
My H said the computer was the beginning of the worst for us. We now both agree that it wasn't the computer. It was the fact we didn't communicate our needs clearly. He said he just didn't know how. I understand that now, and realize that as much as I told him what I needed, apparently I didn't communicate to him well enough either because things didn't get better.
I guess I'll just forget that I got the call, but I want so badly to be in the company of someone who wants my company. Do I ignore the call if she calls me back?
Nothing to do later. If WW calls later, I will probably tell her I am going to a friends house to watch a game and have a few beers. If I really call anybody else to see what they are doing tonight, they will want to take me to some kind of singles bar. Not what I want. They all mean well. Maybe I'll go and buy myself some cologne. I ran out a few weeks ago, and have half way hoped that WW would think about buying some for me. I guess that ain't gonna happen.
I may go hit a bucket of balls. Haven't played in years. CBK reminded me of that. I guess that is GALing, somewhat.
Like WW screamed at me when this started, I am freaking boring! I'd like to go hear a band, but I can't do stuff like that alone. I want to do it with her.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Of course, this is all in our sleep, but I know this because I am a very light sleeper. WW sleeps like a rock. Anything wakes me up. At one point, I woke up and thought about putting my arm around her waist like I used to sleep, but decided against. I have gone to fast in the past.