Cagz is really moving ahead Wierd...

[cagzmom]

Went to C today and we talked about the diffence between letting go and burying someting. For me we both feel I have let go (though to many who love me they don't see it.) BUT I am not ready to burry my marriage. It was refreshing.

While we talked I "Saw" how I have come through so many stages...and giggled a little at the end as I recognized the "5 stages of grief..."

I am through denial - oh my was that hard
Through with anger -PRAISE GOD
and the depression (the constant depression) has subsided... he feels I have moved onto acceptance...i do too.

Acceptance- what does it mean to me?

I can't change H- if he wants a friend I am willing to be there- yet he doesn't want it and I can't force it.

I CAN make it without h. (again don't want it-but I can)

I understand so much more today then I did a year ago. For those of you newbies I must tell you that it DOES LOOK different a year or more later. The memories of last year make this year seem like a peice of cake (ok today only-but remembering the hurt of last year doesn't even compare to last year.)

I understand the way that time allows for us to move forward EVEN if htat isn't what we wanted. I understand that I do love and did love and can love in a very very healthy way.

I understand I have WAY MORE to go and do on myself before i get involved with anyone. AND H? He is "welcome" to be around yet he is so far into blame he has no desire....and I can't force it.

I am thankful and at peace today. AND I have also learned to take TODAY for today....for that I AM VERY VERY THANKFUL. I will not gloom and doom my tomorrow...I will not loose the joy from my past...but FOR today I can live in TODAY.