We just went to see a close relative of H's who is sadly in a hospice with not much longer to live. After we got out, I gave H a hug, but he kind of pushed me away and said something like 'last time I hugged you, you cried' (it was last weekend when he said he wasnt coming back). I then stupidly tried to kiss him (I know, I know) and he actually responded to the kiss! But then he pulled away and said 'You're making this hard' (coincidently I was, but thats another matter!). I kissed him again and he did kiss me back, but then said he couldnt because he'll just keep getting texts from me (I take it he was referring to when I was upset on Monday and was texting him about the wedding DVD). Then he pulled away and said 'I've got to go now, I'm so tired from work I need to go to bed'.
So what a mess I have made it. I was going to be all strong but I was so overcome with emotion seeing his dying relative. I just knew that I couldnt let him go.
Stupid stupid stupid.
Lea xxx
Me-26 H-27 T-10 years M-20 months First bomb-Feb 07 Second bomb-March 08
