Yea, that's the main thing for sure. I have zilch in the self-esteem area and I wouldn't want D to be like me at all right now. I'm at my desk crying because I'm wondering if being a off this earth would even matter. Maybe I shouldn't have dropped the meds. ha, time to change. Let's talk about something else.
Just wanted to say that I hear you about how you've been feeling about yourself of late. It is really hard sometimes to pull oneself out of those ugly, horrible places. I'm going through a particularly brutal time the last few days. Just trying to do the basics: eating good/healthy food, some exercise (doesn't have to be fanatical), trying to rest and sleep, trying to stick to some kind of routine where you can. I've been a zombie at work the last few days and am having a really hard time functioning. But I try to choose "easy" mindless stuff. My goal is just to get through the day.
I also completely relate to the questions that arise about everything to do with how your life is defined--where to live, job/career, all that. A huge aspect of your life has changed or is up in the limboland air.
Maybe just an hour by hour focus could help? That's how I'm trying to make it through today.
That's how I am doing it Purr, but H left 20 months ago and I don't feel like I should be this down on myself still. I should be happy go lucky me and D and whatever H is doing is his business. But for some reason (Satan) I can't get to that point just yet. Sometimes I feel it sometimes I don't.
I've been walking at least and that helps so I think I'll have my soup for lunch and go for a 30 min walk to enjoy the Chicago Spring. I love this season.
Walking and yardwork are amazing coping mechanisms for me. Lots of time to think. There is nothing like getting wrapped up in physical activity to burn out the stress. Even though I usually don't want to do it before I do, I feel much better after. I think the stress of this situation gave me the adrenalin to get started.
I think it is just that by doing things like that, it makes you focus on YOU. That is the positive that I get from it I think. And my yard looks good
You know, sometimes I think that healing from this kind of loss can really take a long time. I don't know a lot about your sitch, but 12 years is a long time together. Feeling down does feel crappy. But far more important than some healing timeline is to be thinking about small steps you can do for you today...just like you posted about going for a walk!
I wish there were things other than distraction sometimes to heal the broken heart.
Yea, I felt AWESOME the other day after I sawed all the fallen branches and piled them up and got the yard clear. It's not my yard per say, but I do want my IL's to know I'm taking care of the place while renting from them so they know I appreciate this.
