"God has a plan for me. I know this. I just don't know what it is. But, I am thankful for all the wonderful things and people I have in my life. And, all the wonderful things and people that will come into my life."

That is so WONDERFUL! Keep on these thoughts, you are getting closer and closer!

Now I only bring this up because of what you said. I do think this is going to take some time for you, and right now you DO need to focus on the positives and being able to stay in this mindset that you have now.

SOOO, your comment "on his new street bike, of course. Show off! Look what I spent all our babies money on?"

This is more of that resentment coming out. If you REALLY want to change, you've got to change that too. Because of this being in your mind, I'm almost certain that H is going to pick up a little of this no matter how good of an actress you are.

I remember also that H used to waste money. Let me tell you how bitter I was...We couldn't get M or even live together because we couldn't afford it, living in each others parents houses 3 hours away from each other with a baby who reached the age of 4 before we got M.. partly because H blew his $. He didn't even pay his mom rent! So whenever H would want to buy big things I'd reluctantly say yes after being upset first. This was not what I wanted to do, but I was bitter about him being selfish.

THEN...the sitch happened and I remember changing, and I remember he bought a pair of sneakers for $100. in my mind I'm thinking, ug, he spent money again. But then I thought. wait. if we had money or if money had nothing to do with it, would I be happy for him. well, heck yes. So I decided to be happy for him and compliment him on his cool shoes. I felt really good about it, and I know he did too. That is a big thing that I've changed, and he's actually been quite responsible even though I've been excited about his purchases now. I think it has let HIM be able to be the one thinking about whether it is right or not, and I'm not over his shoulder griping that he spent more money.

does that make sense?

Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."