Oh, Sara. I'm so sorry to hear that your H continues to act on his foolish, selfishness. BUT I am VERY glad to hear that you stood up and said something to him about his unacceptable behavior. GOOD FOR YOU, although his apathetic response tells me that he still will not take you seriously.
I think you should put his crap in boxes for him and stick them out in the driveway where he typically would park his car. Then change the locks and go with saffie's suggestion.
(((((((Sara)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
How do I get past the fact that it is illegal for me to do this? He has the right to call the police and I could be arrested for not allowing him access to his home. (I have talked to the lawyer about this on Monday). It sounds easy to put his stuff in boxes and change the locks, but by law it is not allowed. That is why I keep saying that I am trapped and have no choices. I don't want to go to jail over this. I just want the man out of the house until he can get his act together. Even if I lie (which I have vowed not to do during this because HE is the liar, not me) and said that I lost my keys, I will have to allow him into the house. It is his house as much as it is mine.
My only choice is to file for a divorce, which will take 4-6 weeks before things get going to get him out. I can't handle another 4-6 weeks of this. See why I feel like I have no choices and am trapped?
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I see what you're saying, but do you think he would honestly call the police and press charges on you to have you arrested??? Do you really think it would come to that? Even if he did call the police, I seriously doubt the cops would want to stick you in jail once they heard your side of the story. If anything, they would most likely try to help you two in coming up with a compromise.
Doing something like changing the locks just might be the push....ok, the kick in the a$$ that he NEEDS. Just my two cents.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Well I don't have time today to change the locks. I am going to lock the screen doors. If he hasn't taken his things out of the house I will box it up and put it on the back porch. The thing is that I have done this before and he won't leave. Maybe this time will be different. I am not going to budge.
He has said in the past that if I tried to lock the doors on him, he would just call the police. That all seems SO out of character for him. He has always been so peaceful. Who is this stranger?
I can't believe I am still here at work. People are coming to me and asking me about reading scores and books (have I mentioned that I am the 1st and 2nd grade reading teacher?) And I am just so zoned out. However...I only have one class left to teach and bus duty. The rest of my classes are canceled due to an awards assemby or something. I can make it.
I am supposed to have guitar lessons today and I half way feel like canceling them. With all of the drama this week, I haven't practiced at all. And I need time to pack up my H's crap.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
He has said in the past that if I tried to lock the doors on him, he would just call the police.
This is a scare tactic. He's threatening you because he knows he can get away with it all and you will do nothing because that is how it has ALWAYS been.
Like I said in my previous post to you - even if he did call the police, I cannot see them putting you in jail once they've heard your side of things. I really don't believe that they would want to and they would help you and H come to some kind of a compromise for the night (should you change the locks, lock the screens, or whatever). They might even suggest that you let him in to get a few things then he has to be the one to leave for the rest of the night.
It might not be as bad as you fear, Sara, and if anything, your actions will get your H thinking.
And I agree with Michelle. Go to your guitar lesson this evening. You MUST continue to GAL, even when you don't feel like it. Don't be stubborn (like me!). MAKE yourself. You need to give yourself that break from your sitch.
(((Sara)))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I am so sorry to learn of your H's most recent stupidity. I tend to agree with what was said above re: changing the locks. I KNOW you feel like you're breaking the law by doing this, but I truly feel the police (should your H call them) will be supportive of you and try to work out a compromise with you and H.
Your H cannot be allowed to continue to do this to you. It is affecting EVERY MOMENT of your life. THAT should be illegal. His behavior should be against the law. This is so infuriating. I'm so sorry that he continues to hurt you. I think it's time for your ACTIONS to really speak to him. Hopefully it will be the wake up call he needs.
I KNOW this is so hard for you. I wish I was located where you are so I could physically support you, but we are here for you online.
Be strong. Think of YOU. Step out of your comfort zone.
((((((((Sara)))))))
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Put a dead fish under his wheelcover (hubcap). He'll never know where the smell is coming from.
Better yet, put one dead fish under his wheelcover, and another in his trunk, loosely wrapped in newspaper. When the smell overtakes him, he'll find the one in the trunk, and he'll think he's gotten rid of the smell.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
And I need time to pack up my H's crap. 