I've got to focus

[Maya44]

I'll try to find the pics and send them to you via email. They are NASTY and it showed the procedure and all. SUPPOSEDLY, it makes "the act" much more sensitive for both the man and the woman. BUT, let me tell you, I for one wouldn't be going down on that no matter HOW lonely I am!

[Jay Scott]

Journaling:

Feeling like crap today, just very down and not hopeful. So I need to come here to post the positives in my life.

*My wonderful D7!
*My love for D7 and her's for me!
*All the little Mother's Day things she's made for me this week
*I have a roof over my head and a car that runs and a job that pays.
*My friends I've made here
*My friends and family IRL
*It's Friday and pay day!
*We meet friends on Friday for dinner
*I get to see my entire family on Sunday..and hopefully my new baby cousin!


Things I'm down about:
*the sitch between me and H is depressing me badly
*he emailed me alot yesterday and was so friendly and now nothing since 4pm yesterday
*it F's with my head

I have done the same thing lately. When I get down, I have to think about the good things.

*my wife left my wonderful kids with me
*my relationship with them is better than ever
*I still have my house and my money
*I am getting stronger everyday through this mess
*I feel like I am setting a good example for my kids
*I am working out more than I have in years and feel much better about ME!

The positive always out weighs the negatives. Keep that going!

[Maya44]

Thanks Jay! When I get like this though (which happens often as you'll see if you keep stopping in), I feel like sh*t about myself and I really had to dig for some positives. I've stopped working out and taking care of myself so it's more depressing.

[AmyC]

Please don't send them.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I've stopped working out and taking care of myself so it's more depressing.

That's your fault.

Change isn't if it doesn't last.

[AmyC]

I've stopped working out and taking care of myself so it's more depressing.

That isn't depressing.

It's stupid.

[AmyC]

Dar, what do you think will happen?
That he will feel sorry for you and come back and inspire you?

You have to inspire yourself.

[Maya44]

Amy, sorry I sent a link already before I read this. Just delete my email then.

Amy & Jack, I totally know it's my fault that I don't exercise like I was. I lost 16 lbs, went and f'd up, gained 5 and now back to kicking my own butt again.

I don't know what I'm expecting to happen Amy. I wish I had a crystal ball to see where I end up. When I get like this I feel like I just want to change my whole life....start a new career path, move, get a new car, things like that. I feel like I'M the one having an MLC and I don't like that feeling whatsoever.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You can do better.

Stop wishing for crap that is meaningless. It is pointless, in this world you work for what you need and strive for what you want.

Work on changing one thing consistently, before failing to change a bunch of things.

In my head I see your husband not believing you until he sees that you have changed something and it actually sticks.

[Maya44]

I'm sure that's the case Jack. I'm finding a T to talk to at the moment because I don't feel worth a whole lot right now. Not asking for pity, just stating a fact about me at this moment (even though I know I'm worth it)