Ali, Some good questions and I will do my best to answer. This is from my perspective and may not fit with your husband. I don't know if any of this could be a starting point for a conversation or not. I can't remember from any of your posts if your husband knows you are on here.. For a man, typically goal oriented, the orgasm is the goal. Failure to achieve the O is a failure. Stopping to smell the roses along the way is typically not the ideal for the man, though 80% of the fun for you. It is greatly more frustrating physically for a man to not be able to finish, thus the expression "blue balls" However, I realize the same expectations for you is transference and may or may not (probably not) be accurate. Your husband (and me) need to learn to enjoy the getting there and not just the having arrived. I climb mountains for fun and I get really bummed if I don't summit, even for good reasons such as a life threatening storm. It has taken me many years to even begin to appreciate all the wonders along the way. I suppose sex is pretty similar.
As to be a bit noisy, there can be some ingrained habits here. We share a wall with one of the kids, big mistake, split floorplans are best! To that end, we have both developed a habit of finishing quietly. I for one don't mind making noise and I REALLY need to hear it. That makes me feel like she is involved and enjoying things as well. Big need! Your husband at some point in the past may have had this habit really ingrained from having to sneak sex. Just a thought. He may never get past it, but he would have a better chance if he knew the root cause.
Hope this helps. Also, do you ever go anywhere different, get a hotel etc.? Does he loosen up more in a strange place? After some wine? I think using some props like that may help develop some new habits that no longer require the props.
