B, Thank you--after I read your reply, I thought I would just be direct but kind. H called to say he was planning to come work on the old tractor this evening, and hopefully do some mowing in the pasture.
So I decided to take a leap of faith, that maybe he has come back close enough for us to actually talk about something, without scaring him to death!
I told him with reference to the wedding that I couldn't really tell if he wanted me to go or not, but my alternative plan (dance camp) already had a waiting list. His response was he would like to keep open the option of going to the wedding as a family.
I explained that I was planning to share a room at the camp with a friend from my book group, and would not want to stand her up at the last minute, but if we figured it out relatively soon, I could get a refund and my friend could arrange another roommate.
So, he keeps hinting at a reconciliation. I decided to go ahead and tell the rest of the story to him about the other wedding in Costa Rica (short synopsis: We were supposed to go together--daughter of 30+ year friends--he backed out--he changed his mind and wants to go with no commitment--I told him "too early.")
I told him I have been invited to hang out with friends of friends at a remote surfing location, take some lessons, etc. I said I just wanted him to know, in case it was a factor, but I would hate to think that alone was the reason for a reconciliation. (The only reason I told him all that is that he has wanted to go surfing for his whole life, and I think he wants to come home, but can't come up with a face-saving way to do it, after all of the crazy things he has said...)
Anyway, I have given him a big opening, and I think he wants to make the leap, but is still scared. I am trying to be generous and welcoming, but not try to push him over the edge. Truly, I think I could have a good time, either way--he commits and goes, or can't commit yet, and I go alone to surf and dance!
Sometimes, life is sweet. I just wish my H knew he loved me, and we could have a fairy tale ending to our story. (LOL)
So, thanks for the thoughts--they do give me a new perspective, as I continue to try to be wise, and loving, and honest, and kind.
