In my own case, our sex-starved marriage was primarily a reflection of a basic gender difference: that most women need to feel a strong, loving, emotional connection before they feel the desire for a physical connection (i.e. an emotional connection is the pathway to sex). Take away that emotional connection for some reason, and the desire for physical intimacy is the first thing to go. She may even continue to masturbate when you aren't around to satisfy herself, but without that emotional connection, and especially if your relationship is strained, your touch may repulse her. At one point, my connection to my wife had deteriorated to the point that she claimed she could go the rest of her life without sex.
As a male, your wiring is, in general, completely the opposite: most men need to have an intimate physical connection before they feel the desire for a strong emotional connection (i.e. sex is the pathway to an emotional connection). It took more than 20 years, but my wife now fully understands that I don't really feel loved, nor can I fully express my love for her without that physical connection.
I'm not like most other men my age. I'm very affectionate towards my wife and make sure she feels loved at all times. I'm sure if anyone were to ask her, she would say she has never felt unloved. Maybe that has made her too confident, that the love will never go away, so she doesn't have to put any effort into the relationship. The funny thing is, no matter what is going on, it has no impact on her sex drive...it is still exceptionally low.
Don't get me wrong...I very much appreciate the advise. Maybe there are more issues in our marriage than she is talking about...she is not the best at communication, obviously.
