OK, folks, another question: Is it "piecing" if H says he wants "to try," still lives in his cave, gets me to go to MC after a year to angle to go along on a trip with no commitment, but shows no interest in making any plans for the future?
For example, we are invited to a wedding of his close relatives later in June. We had talked about going together, back when we were planning to go to Costa Rica together.
Well, the invitation arrived and I asked him if he still wanted me to go. He said "sure, that's fine, if you want to..." My response was gentle, but true, that it sounded like such a lukewarm invitation from him, that it did not sound like much fun for me to go to all the trouble to tag along (it would take a whole weekend, because it is several hundred miles away.) So I am about to mail off registration to go to another dance camp weekend, instead.
I have walked on eggshells for so long, trying to get a life, but not "reject" him--he is extremely sensitive and reactive if he feels like I am rejecting him. Crazy, huh, since he told me that he didn't love me enough to stay with me, moved out, and "dated" other women?
OK, my discouragement is showing. I have vowed not to take dramatic action, until I feel a sense of calm resolve that I no longer want the marriage. But the truth is that our kids are close to grown, and he is treating me so shabbily. There is a fine line between humility (where I have learned some valuable lessons) and humiliation!
Also, I am starting to feel discouraged that my H of 30 years is depressed, indecisive to a crazy degree, and, to be honest, a huge drag to be around. He is so self-absorbed that I really have the feeling that he does not see me, or have the capacity for empathy. Is this what I want? (rhetorical question--I know that only I can answer that one, and I am struggling with it!)
Anyway, I am fighting the urge to burn bridges, because my feelings are so hurt. I am starting to think maybe I really would be better off without him. It is almost hard to believe that I have been in limbo this long, already!
OK, in his defense, he has come some distance toward me, and no longer believes that I am responsible for his unhappiness. He just obviously can't feel sure that he will ever feel happy again, and maybe the grass really is greener!
