BE STILL, QUIET, PATIENT, AND DARK

[TRUSTING]

It is weird when you get to this point in the LBS's journey.

I really don't have that much anger for him anymore. A lot of pity and sorrow for what he has done to his life. He has a life without self-awareness and growth.

I can't imagine being trapped in a world where your key concern is yourself. What a shallow, lonely place that must be.

He is a poor pathetic representation of the man I once knew and loved.

If I did not have the unconditional love I have for him and the bond of a covenant marriage, I would find this man so very unappealing and unattractive. He does not represent anything close to a mature, spiritual, masculine, man with integrity. He only represents a shattered child who is rebeling against the very thing I value the most -- family and committment.

I am trying my best not to give up. He has shown some growth through the tunnel, but I am so very through with the games, spewing and horrendous journey this man has put me and my children through. I have no respect for him anymore.

Why is it when I feel him getting closer, I want to stop fighting for my marriage. It has made me wonder if I am just in this to win the fight. I hope not, that would make me just as shallow as him.

I will continue to go dark, unless he specifically requests to talk to me. I believe his slight progression through the MLC tunnel only happened because I was dark. He had no one to blame things on and had to look at himself which I am sure was painful.

I hope he finds his answers and I hope God gives me the strength to keep standing strong and faithful....