Drowning, still...

[smartcookie]

I don't have any advice, but I'll scream, be pissed off & cry right along with you if it helps. I'm so sorry you're going through this it sucks big time.

[CBK]

Thanks SmartCookie, I have been reading your thread FG is giving you good advice.

I backslid, W asked what was wrong... dang if that didn't set me going.

Oh well, such is life. I can only be honest with myself - she is still afraid if I get his number - I really have no desire to get it or even call him. All's I ask is the boundary of not contacting him while we are still married - if that pushes D, then so be it. Right now, the way I feel, D is a welcome site. I did tell her, with my best composure - if you want to S or D, I will not stand in your way - you will be fine and I will be fine. I just pray that you be smart with this other man and don't let him hurt you. If, after you are done, you can see me as part of your life, I hope I am available. I will not give up on you and no stone will go unturned.

Oh well folks, I think I just went to the deep end...

My parents are coming in tomorrow, I don't want to tell them not to come, but I know they are really uncomfortable.

CBK

[smartcookie]

Just take deep breathes each time you come up for air. I've said for years that I felt like I was drowning, barely keeping my head above water. I'll hang out with you in the deep end, I've been there long enough.

Are you parents staying with you ?

[CBK]

Yea, mom and dad live in San Diego, I am up in Nor Cal, so they are coming for the weekend. Looking forward to it. My W invited the ladies out for a concert on Saturday in Dixon and then my sis is coming down from Napa with her kids on Sunday.

This will be fun. W and I just talked about the weekend. At the end, I said let's just get along and act like friends... She was okay with that, but I read everything so wrong right now...

We will have a full house this weekend, but at least I won't talk about R!

[cw68]

CBK, we're not that far from each other -- I could do a day in Dixon easily.

That said, I believe CA has a mandatory six month separation before you can divorce. You have time. Use that time to DB like heck and center yourself!

[CBK]

I am actually in the Tri-Valley area if you know that area.

Yea, the conversation I usually have with her is I am going to work my butt off during that time (not those exact words) - the hard part for us is that we are still in the same house - sometimes that is good, sometimes bad...

I actually feel a little better right now - have no idea why, I am at the WTF stage right now. I am sure about 3 AM, I will wake up and be a mess.

Hope you are doing well. You were pretty riled up earlier! I liked it!

CBK

[smartcookie]

CBK, I usually wake at 3 am also. Why is that ? I've been taking something to help me sleep for about 18 months.

I'm glad you feel better now anyway, & I'll keep my fingers crossed for a good weekend.

[CBK]

I take Ambien when I know I am going to have a bad night. Otherwise, I take melatonin almost every night for the past few years. I am a horrible sleeper, if I can get 5 hours, I am good, lately, I have been doing about 3...

[cw68]

I do know that area, my next door neighbors used to live in San Ramon. I'm outside of Sacto.

Don't tell her you're going to work your butt off, just do it. Just like them, actions speak louder than words.

Yeah, I was pretty peeved earlier. H came over for dinner tonight and to help with the two extra kids who are staying the night tonight. My mood wasn't great, but I pulled out of it OK. At one point, though, I did say that I didn't feel appreciated. But it all ended well enough.

This may seem contrary to regular thought, but can you move out of the bedroom? I was so adamant against separating that this wasn't even a thought of mine. H moved to the guest room for a week before he said he had to separate. We briefly discussed an in-house separation. By briefly I mean an hour. We talked about, I suggested it because I sooo didn't want him to move out. He said he was up for trying it. I went up to the bedroom and came back downstairs 30 minutes later and said that it wouldn't be a good idea. This was after I kicked a hole in the wall. Yes, I admit it, though this stupid drywall is very easily damaged. Every other house I've ever lived in had lathe and plaster and it's tough, not that I've kicked walls a lot mind you, but I'm a klutz and know I've hit walls harder than my foot did that time. If I knew a hole would have "appeared" I would have kicked it a lot harder! I digress.

Giving your W some space might be what she needs. It's usually the opposite of what we need though, so it's tough. But I thought I'd throw that out there.

[CBK]

Yea, I am the next town over. I love Sacto - my S19 had a lot of baseball and basketball games out there and my company has an office by the capitol. Now my son's GF lives outside of Sacto as well.

Yea, I didn't say those exact words, but did say I was not giving up... probably pissed her off!

Glad you were able to settle down, but dang, loved that attitude, you had every right to feel that way.

Funny, when we decided to sleep in seperate rooms, it wasn't even discussed. Mostly because of my back and we have a sleep number bed, it is great. She was actually going to move out then I found out about the A - then all heck broke out and then she decided she wanted to stay through the summer and now says she wants the house! I was like no way... you want out, there is the door. So we will see what happens in Sept. Also, both my kids are home from college for the summer, so it is great all being together, even if it may be the end.

Too funny about kicking a hole in the wall. The good news though is that those holes are easy to fix rather than the lathe and plaster!

I am going to give her space, no more R talks until we see MC - where I will get the next bomb. Such is life. Like I said, I am in the WTF stage right now...

Be well,

CBK