Help Me Act AS IF, Part 5

[newnamenewlife]

I just got through a convo with H re S without crying, which is a first. His coldness is contagious, I guess. We talk like zombies. I didn't DB perfectly--I asked him why we bothered to get legally married if you can just get out of it without giving your spouse a real chance to save the M. It just continues to bug me how plan A for him has been to S. There's this overwhelming sense of failure.

There really is something very empty about him. He kind of stares off into space when we talk, makes no eye contact.

I hope one day I can recall all the fun and love we had without it being overshadowed by the way it ended. I never thought this M would end--never.But neither do any of us.

At the school bus stop today, I saw this dad who I've always had a little crush on. He and his W just S (I think he pulled the ILYBINILWY, so why would I want him?). I was sort of daydreaming about him becoming my next boyfriend, but then I got really depressed when I remembered that I am 44, not 24, and that dating, if I dare to do it ever again, will be a weird complicated thing. What I really want is the pure, true love of a dog--but I'm allergic to them!