Yes, I really was mean. I used to say things to her like "if you were a guy I would punch you for that", "I want you in my life darling, but I don't need you" etc... I used to use profane language all the time and blast her with the most horrible names, get angry and grab her in public, shout at her, wasn't there for her when we had two miscarriages last year and we are both left traumatised by that and the list goes on. If I look at my own behaviour and ask myself what I would think of a person who carried on like I did, I would say that they are the scum of the Earth. That was me.
Now she needs to face her own demons too, whether we have a future together or not. Otherwise, they will come to haunt her later on and will keep doing so until she either gets a grip or dies - whichever is sooner.
The reason I decided to face mine is that they brought so much pain into my life and into my wife's also. We had such a close and wonderful 8 years before I started losing my temper more frequently - every so often an angry outburst, selfish act or public scene would her hurt for a few weeks but then we would bounce back. I know that she misses our closeness, and the family life which she still considers me a part of but her brain is now hijacked by a bunch of different chemicals relating to the A and OM.
I take responsibility so that I never repeat these mistakes.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
