I don't think he is implying that you should have done better. I think the point is to get your feelings in retrospect for the benefit of the folks earlier than you are in this awful process.
I understand that, but I was just trying to say that I think there is a certain process to DBing. I mean like when you first start here at least for me I was just DBing to get my H back. Then after a little while or maybe a few months or whatever, I started DBing for myself. But it's a process that takes you time to get to that point. It would be great if I could have had a focus on DBing for myself from the get-go but I think you have to work on that, work on detaching, etc. I think maybe this is a process and maybe all of us take a little while to get "in the groove" (I think it is Theoden that says something like that).
So yes, it's very helpful to read this thread, but I think it is a process and some of us may take longer than others. But when I look at what I've accomplished, I overall don't have any "should haves" or "could haves" because I think I have actually changed myself relatively quickly (5 months after years of living like I was.) I don't know if I'm making any sense, but when I see the should haves and could haves in this thread, I just think that DBing takes a little while. Look at how many years it takes us to get our high school or college degrees so a few months or 5 months or whatever doesn't seem like that long to me. I don't know if I've made sense to anyone else here, but it makes sense to me anyway!!! Karen
Karen