Ali, i can relate to so much of what you're saying. It does take a long time, hard work and a lot of self discovery to get to a healthy place in the M.
You are growing and learning and that is the most important thing. A healthy you will contribute to a healthy M.
But the hard work never ends. That is a hard lesson I've learned. You always need to keep your eye on the ball.
You go girl!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track