Hi

Thanks for your advice on the goals. I will have a proper think and start on them tomorrow.

H rang me today to say that he has arranged for our house to be valued on Tuesday \:\( So thats not good news.

Another bad thing is that he is planning to go to Download festival next month with his friends-and OW is in that gang and going. I am having visions of them sharing a tent and much more. Not sure if I can deal with that.

When he phones I am being upbeat, and I am not initiating contact
with him. He just seems to be moving further and further away from me emotionally. On the phone he sounds like a stranger. I am drawing him into short conversations and after a couple of minutes he sounds more at ease. But otherwise he's cold towards me.

I feel resigned to the fact that I have lost him. I can't imagine my life without him, but feel that he needs space to sort his head out. FIL rang me tonight to see how I was, and said to me that H has told him it is definitely over and that he's not going to change his mind. FIL said that H hasnt seemed to grieve for the M at all, and FIL really sympathises with me and thanks me for all the support I have given H throughout his depression. FIL also believes that this is about much more that just our M-he also thinks that H may be slightly autistic as looking back he has had some symptoms since childhood. FIL cannot understand this at all. Neither can I!

H has been gone for nearly 6 weeks now, so I am getting used to living by myself. I can even imagine a short term future without him. But it terrifies me that he may not be a part of my long term future. I still think 'he's the one'.


Lea
xxx

Me-26
H-27
T-10 years
M-20 months
First bomb-Feb 07
Second bomb-March 08