Puppy, I think that sounds great and I think any logical, rational H or W would agree that is the sensible thing to do. But I said something very similar to my H the first month or so after I discovered the affair, and H wasn't logical & rational. He was in love with the OW, etc. so he said it was over, but the M ending had nothing to do with the OW! Stuff like after we divorce he'll have more money, more time (the same job that he's had 9 years would suddenly allow him more time with the kids), I'd find someone new and be happy, etc.
Anyway, I am maybe cynical, but I think there is esp. a stage where at least my H was in a honeymoon phase and wouldn't listen to anything I said, articles I left, etc. Just made him more determined to do what he wanted I think and caused arguments. I think my H is just finally to starting to come back to reality a little and it's been 6 months now. Karen
Karen,
To be honest, it's a longshot. "You can't teach an adulterer." But it's important, I believe, for a few reasons:
1. It IS worth a shot, even if your chances are slim.
2. You "go on record."
3. You gain their respect, by fighting for the marriage (esp. for men) and, frankly, it's attractive (esp. for men).
But normally, yeah, you can't "teach" them. What you CAN do is get in little "truth darts" from time to time, like "I just hope you can see how destructive you're being to the family," or "I really think you're going to regret ending your marriage this way, by cutting and running." Stuff like that.
